A very real flaw in the way that the Stupid Letter Of the Week is set up is that the Jewish Press letters section does not always contain the actual stupidest letter of the week submitted to the Jewish Press. Dr. Yael Respler, for example, is always a fertile place to mine stupidity, as is Rebbetzin Jungreis' and the Agunah Chronicles columns (although the latter is usually much more on target and actually constructive). This week, for example, featured some rather dumb letters to Dr. Respler, a dim letter to Agunah Chronicles, and a laughable letter to Im Yirtza hashem By You (should the guy hire the private investigator before or after the first date? Inquring and insecure minds need to know). Unfortunately, most of these other sources of stupidity do not make it to the JP's internet editon. While we hope that this sad state of affairs will soon change (Editor Maoz, are you reading?), this week's SLOW goes to the "other" Joseph Lieberman, who lives in Brooklyn:

Chanukah, my favorite holiday, is fast approaching, and I would like to remind my fellow Jewish Press readers that the central victory of that ancient war was not a physical or military conquest. Rather it was — and is — the celebration of light overpowering darkness.
Homosexuality and abortion certainly are the epitome of darkness. It is not the goal of citizens like myself to outlaw either one. Only our Redeemer can accomplish that. However, for the Jewish senator from Connecticut to have advocated that my hard-earned tax dollars be used to legitimize acts labeled an “abomination” by our Torah — Lieberman has stated publicly that if he’s elected president he will sign legislation allowing federal employees` benefits to cover their gay “spouses” — is tantamount to heresy.

The Dei'ah veDibur Home & Family section features an example of motherly intuition. I'm having a hard time pulling out a single line or two to blockquote here, but its a fascinating read, to say the least.

The Agudath Yisrael convention is coming up this week. D&D has the lowdown:

A highlight of the Melave Malka are the zemiros led by Reb Abish Brodt. Last but probably not least is a Midnight Session with the Maggid from Rabbi Paysach Krohn.

Sunday Morning is dedicated to two symposia. Symposium I is entitled, 'Demographic Dilemmas; Meeting the Challenge of Contemporary Jewish Population Trends,' and Symposium II is entitled 'Marriage Under Siege.'

So it turns out that, at least according to Timothy NoahJohn Updike is not an Anti-Semite. Good thing, too.

What is the appendage that hangs over a turkey's beak?
A snood!
Thusly, I hereby declare all Jewish married women turkeys.
Have a happy thanksgiving.
UPDATE: I just realized that some of our non-American readers might require some explanation. Thanksgiving is an American holiday where we celebrate the fact that some woman wrote a lot of letters to Abraham Lincoln.

Cagle's got a relatively-new bunch of anti-Israel and anti-Palestinian cartoons.

Advertising on TPM right now is The Klezmatics, with their new Christmas album, Oy to the World.
The reviews are interesting.

4 p.m. -- Members of the Coalition for Jewish Concerns Amcha remove pro-terror graffiti painted on a kosher restaurant; The Corner Cafe, 236th Street and Johnson Avenue, Riverdale.

Also see AKS for a fascinating post about an Israeli Arab who won a version of "Big Brother" there.
While votes in "Big Brother" indicates a roughly equivalent amount of democracy as "American Idol" (and we all know Clay Aiken wuz robbed!), this is an obvious indication of the sentiments of a certain portion of the Israeli public. Is that the young public? Is that the greasy, clubbing public? We don't know, but it is some portion that is speaking loudly.

AKS wonders how it is that Shmuley Boteach's tirade against Victoria's Secret can come to be illustrated with, in AKS' words, "Babelicious Boobage."
In general, I find Boteach to be a bit off, and this piece is consistent with that.
Why the "Babelicious Boobage"? Because whoever designed that page likes it, I guess. Also, if you're gonna put up a picture to illustrate that article...what else could you choose?
Whatever.
The crazy thing about Jewsweek is how much it avoids an agenda, as opposed to nearly every other Jewish publication. I'm not aware of any article that got spiked because it was controversial or directly contradicted something else. One week I wrote an article about how a specific cartoon wasn't anti-Semitic; the article was linked on Romenesko and other sites, and we received only positive responses to the article (as I recall). The very next week, Jewsweek ran a piece (which I can't locate) arguing from the assumption that the cartoon was anti-Semitic, and since it was, what Jews should do about it. Sometimes that feels a bit frustrating, but mostly it's just about having lots of voices.
Boteach has his opinion -- one that Benyamin Cohen obviously disagrees with -- and that's reflected in the text. The pictures, Boteach doesn't get to control, just like the rest of the content of the site. Dems de breaks.
One of the main reasons I write for Jewsweek (it ain't the money) is because of its editorial mix; another big one is its ability to deal with a more contemporary and relevant form of Jewish journalism. Certain other J-pubs have an idea of where things are going -- like The Forward and the New Jersey Jewish News, which is why I'm inclined to take my articles to them, to read them, and to bother to comment on them. The Jewish Press also has some rather contemporary sensibilities, as well.
Meryl Yourish declares her feminist theory of wearing lingerie. Huzzah, I say, huzzah. And I join in the call for her to spread that theory more persuasively.
Lastly, AKS writes, "if you're deciding to go with the scantily- clad thing, let's get some beefcake up there as well, shall we? Kosher beef, of course." Now, the last time I checked, my picture's at the bottom of every one of my articles. Sure, it's not the best picture (I think it'd detract from my credibility if we went with this one), but when it comes to the beauty of Steven I. Weiss, you've gotta take what you can get.

Got $500,000 to spare? Check out this seforim auction.
(Thanks Yudel)

And to think I used to think Nittel Nacht was Chess Night...:

While Christmas Eve may be a silent, holy night for the Jesus-worshippers of the world, it’s been a night on the town for young New York Jews these past few years, thanks, in part, to LetMyPeopleGo. com.
Recognizing the seemingly obvious fact that most Jews stayed home on the eve of the birth of Jesus watching Brady Bunch Christmas specials with their parents and trying desperately to clean the wax out of their menorahs, the company, which launched as Utopia Events in 1995, decided to throw a huge Christmas Eve bash that year, allowing the single to mingle with others who were similarly disinterested in Yuletide cheer.
The brainchild of a young Cornell law graduate who found himself disenchanted with both the law and the Jewish singles scene, 'The Ball,' as it quickly came to be called, now attracts more than 3,000 eligible members of the tribe each year.

Secular Israeli lashes out:

President Moshe Katsav is mistaken, but not completely. On Sunday he defined the secular as 'children who were taken captive [and thus deprived of a Jewish education], who had not been given an opportunity to choose.' But the truth is that the secular are not children taken captive but adults taken captive. Taken captive in a benighted country in which the president thus defines the only public that is ethical by choice and by personal decision, and not by the power of the fear of God and hell fire.

10:30 a.m. -- Abe Hirschfeld and Yitzchak Findrus, mayor of an Orthodox Israeli settlement on the West Bank, hold press conference to call for joint Israeli-Palestinian nation; Millennium UN Plaza Hotel, East 44th St., between First and Second avenues.

TMQ on league's
own site? The football gods have
more pull than we knew.
-- TMQ, 2003

Sara Dickerman conducts a turkey taste test for Slate. How did the kosher turkey measure up? This quote sums it all up:

"This is too erotic to be a Thanksgiving bird"

My slow launch of The Kosher Bachelor has begun. Please send in links and ideas . BTW: A major redesign is to be revealed soon.

Gawker's got links to The Smoking Gun's copy of the rejected Kabbalah red string patent application. Choire writes:

Swamp City asks some serious questions on the occasion of the Patent and Trademark Office's rejection of the "Kabbalah Red String." This mystical string evidently protects celebrities from being caught with hookers, appearing in homemade porn videos, and having their careers become hellish life-sucking nightmares. Or does it?
Anyway, we hear this fabulous string is sewn from Roseanne's hair steeped in Nicole Kidman's placenta. No, seriously, we heard that.

"5. Is your religion based in paranoia?
4. Are you and all of your celebrity friends the only members?
3. Did you have to drop your agent so that you could afford to remain a member?
2. Is Madonna considered a spiritual and moral leader?
1. When someone asks you about a real religion, do you say, 'What's that? Is it like Kabbalah?'"

And we think we're the only ones with these problems...
Christianity Today reprints the article it ran when Dr. Robert Grundy, professor of New Testament and Greek at Santa Barbara's Westmont College, was forced out of the Evangelical Theological Society, in part for claiming that parts of Matthew are not historic. Key paragraphs:

Even more controversial has been Gundry's suggestion that in the "infancy narratives" (Matt. 1, 2) and elsewhere Matthew uses a Jewish literary genre called midrash. Like many preachers today, the writer of a midrash embroidered historical events with nonhistorical additions. When, for example, a preacher in a sermon quotes the conversation between Adam and Eve in the garden, he is embroidering a biblical text to help his hearers understand a point, but his hearers do not reject what he says simply because the conversation is not historical.
Similarly, Gundry argues, Matthew has freely changed stories that are related more historically in Luke. Gundry says, for example, Matthew changed the shepherds in the fields into the wise men from the East because he wants to foreshadow and emphasize the mission of Jesus to the Gentiles. Gundry does not believe wise men visited Jesus.
Writing in the current issue of the Journal of the Evangelical Theological Society, Norman Geisler, professor of systematic theology at Dallas Theological Seminary and the chief organizer of the effort to expel Gundry from ETS membership, rejects midrash in the Bible. "Any hermeneutical or theological method the logically necessary consequences of which are contrary to or undermine confidence in the complete truthfulness of all of Scripture is unorthodox," Geisler argues.
In a rejoinder, Gundry writes, "I deny in some texts what would be the literal, normal meaning for a reader who assumes a modern standard of history, but not what I believe to be the literal, normal meaning for the original audience, or even for a modern audience that is homiletically oriented."

Rabbi Abraham J. Karp died today. A snippet biography taken from a phone conversation:

retired professor from university of rochester, one of the greatest collectors of judaica in american history, connected to conservative movement for many years...sold his library to the seminary, which makes up the core of their research collection...former president of american jewish historical society...

U.N. appoints HIV-positive puppet as "champion for children"

The U.N. Children's Fund announced Monday that it has appointed an HIV-positive puppet who stars in the South African version of Sesame Street as a "global champion for children."

Kami, a furry yellow puppet who appears regularly on Takalani Sesame, represents a 5-year-old girl who has been orphaned by AIDS. UNICEF said she "has brought levity and compassion to a topic that so often evokes the opposite."

Yuter reaches back in time and finds the original inspiration for Stewie from Family Guy. Guess what? He's Jewish.

We last dealt with kiruv from the Chareidi/Orthodox world in a SLOW post that got many comments. Dani's latest post ties back to that discussion:

to put it bluntly, from the perspective of some rebbeim and educators and even kiruv organizations, unless the person becomes chareidi, chassidish, or otherwise a carbon copy of whoever is doing the 'outreach', they have failed. not only is this totally insane, but the implications of how they view the rest of the Orthodox world and general Jewish society is staggering
in my ideal world in my head, everyone who learned about Judaism would choose to practice it actively, and to be Orthodox on some level. but realistically, what i would love is for people to have the opportunity to learn, and then figure out where they are. imagine the opportunities we could have! picture a yeshiva where people come from all backgrounds and learn together, and walk out as individuals, each with their own way of understanding and relating to Torah. can you see how tremendous it would be for me to sit and have a chavrusa with my Conseravtive cousin and my Munkaczer cousin? to learn Torah and halacha and hashkafa together, and understand and respect each other's differences?
kiruv can not be about making the person achieve some ideal set in somebody's head. it has to be about letting people learn, and decide who they are, and how Judaism factors into that. i think Judaism is so beautiful, so open, with a place for every person and every interest. well, almost every interest. *grin*

EU body shelves report on anti-semitism

The European Union's racism watchdog has shelved a report on anti-semitism because the study concluded Muslims and pro-Palestinian groups were behind many of the incidents it examined.

There seems to be no letup in Eric Yoffe's insistence over settlement activity:

Reform leader: U.S. Jews must insist Israel halt settlements

Rabbi Eric Yoffie, the president of the Union for Reform Judaism, has issued a call to American Jews to exert their political influence in the U.S. in order to make the American administration prompt Israel to freeze all settlements immediately, regardless of what the Palestinians are doing.

"Continuing to build settlements is to threaten the Jewish character of the state and is to undermine the Zionist dream," Yoffie told Haaretz in an interview in his New York office...

Guess you can't expect much more from a gruff, tough big belt buckled Texan...

Queen's fury as Bush goons wreck garden

The Queen is furious with President George W. Bush after his state visit caused thousands of pounds of damage to her gardens at Buckingham Palace.

Royal officials are now in touch with the Queen's insurers and Prime Minister Tony Blair to find out who will pick up the massive repair bill. Palace staff said they had never seen the Queen so angry as when she saw how her perfectly-mantained lawns had been churned up after being turned into helipads with three giant H landing markings for the Bush visit.

The rotors of the President's Marine Force One helicopter and two support Black Hawks damaged trees and shrubs that had survived since Queen Victoria's reign.

And Bush's army of clod-hopping security service men trampled more precious and exotic plants.

The Queen's own flock of flamingoes, which security staff insisted should be moved in case they flew into the helicopter rotors, are thought to be so traumatised after being taken to a "place of safety" that they might never return home.

The historic fabric of the Palace was also damaged as high-tech links were fitted for the US leader and his entourage during his three-day stay with the Queen.

The Palace's head gardener, Mark Lane, was reported to be in tears when he saw the scale of the damage.

"The Queen has every right to feel insulted at the way she has been treated by Bush," said a Palace insider.

"The repairs will cost tens of thousands of pounds but the damage to historic and rare plants will be immense. They are still taking an inventory.

"The lawns are used for royal garden parties and are beautifully kept. But 30,000 visitors did not do as much damage as the Americans did in three days.

"Their security people and support staff tramped all over the place and left an absolute mess. It is particularly sad because the Queen Mother loved to wander in the garden just as the Queen and Prince Charles do now.

"Some of the roses, flowers and shrubs damaged are thought to be rare varieties named after members of the Royal Family and planted by the Queen Mother and Queen.

"Other Royals had their own favourite parts of the garden as children and some of those areas have been damaged."

The Queen's insurers have told her she is covered for statues, garden furniture and plants she personally owns, but the bill for repairing damage to the lawns and the structure of the Palace will probably have to be picked up by the Government.

Dr. Laura seems at it again:

The Washington, D.C.-based Council on American-Islamic Relations took offense to remarks made by Schlessinger on Monday's program in response to a mother who asked whether her 16-year-old daughter should take part in a Catholic high school class's field trip to a local mosque. The visit was part of a 'moral themes' class that aimed to help students learn how 'Muslims are treated' in the United States.
Schlessinger told the mother she should tell the teacher 'you are willing to go to the mosque only if it is one that has done its best to rout out terrorists in its midst.'

Shmuley Boteach on Michael Jackson:

Detached as we are from God and estranged from lofty pursuits, we have invented new gods here on earth. Where once people were awed by the heavenly stars, today they prostrate themselves before movie stars. Where once man pondered the secrets of the universe, we today seek to uncover the enigma of Michael Jackson. Is it surprising, then, that the objects of this worship begin to believe that they have a right to make up and live by their own rules, even when it becomes completely ruinous?

But I will say that had [the parents] never allowed their children to stay over, and had Michael understood that it is completely immoral and unacceptable for a child to share your bed, no matter how innocent you claim your intentions to be, we would not have witnessed the terrible spectacle of a man who once inspired us all being led away in handcuffs.

My dispatch from the Arab-American Comedy Festival is up at Jewsweek. It's pretty thorough.
Among a host of other good stories is Brad Pilcher's review of Wrestling with Zion, a book which will be featured in an inter-blog discussion next week comprising two Elders, Ami Eden, Brad Pilcher, and Mobius of Jewschool.

Bush Plays Theological Politics, Loses:

At a news conference with Prime Minister Tony Blair in England on Thursday, a reporter noted that Bush has often said that freedom is a gift from 'the Almighty' but questioned whether Bush believes that 'Muslims worship the same Almighty' that he does.
'I do say that freedom is the Almighty's gift to every person,' the president replied. 'I also condition it by saying freedom is not America's gift to the world. It's much greater than that, of course. And I believe we worship the same god.'
Bush's remarks sent immediate shock waves through Christian Web sites and radio broadcasts. A Baptist Press report quoted Richard D. Land, president of the public policy arm of the Southern Baptist Convention, the nation's largest Protestant denomination, as saying that Bush 'is simply mistaken.'
'We should always remember that he is commander in chief, not theologian in chief,' Land said in a telephone interview yesterday. 'The Bible is clear on this: The one and true god is Jehovah, and his only begotten son is Jesus Christ.'

The Forward reviews Stephanie Levine's book on Lubavitch maydelach.


"Is there room within Lubavitch for eccentricity? " she asks?

Um, is there room for normalcy?

(Wow, is my ass gonna get e-kicked for that one. back to reading metastatis....)

Ok, ok. I'm a bad person. Deah vedibbur provides cheap laughs, at best. It's like shooting gefilte fish in a berel. but I can't help it. it's just so DAMN funny.

So in the advice column, Mammy wonders whether her 16 year old daughter should be allowed to participate in parental discussions of her older sister's shidduchim.
The answer is a firm negative, but it does advise mammy that:

"to make her feel better, you can ask her advice about choosing new curtains, or which color to paper a room or any other `adult' problem. This will not lessen her curiosity, but will mollify her resentment."

Oh, ribono shel olam. When did your people get so petty?

Ugh. I'm sick of studying for monday's exam on Cancer. So how do I take breaks? Obviously, by blogging.

The Moetzes - the OTHER Elders of Zion - met last week, or so Deah VDibbur tells us.

They resolved to file amicus briefs in both the Pledge of Allegiance (One nation, under Hashem) and the Gay Boy Scouts (how about the Jewish boy scouts?) cases.

Aguda's getting a little big for its britches, no?

Why on earth are they involving themselves in issues that have NOTHING to do with jews. Don't cite me claptrap about the moral fiber of our country. Plain and simple, the Aguda should be focusing its energy and capital on issues that have direct ramifications for Jews. Whether or not Americans say "under God in school" or exclude gays from youth organizations, the Frummer will not be interacting with society. We could live in the most moral society imaginable, and I highly doubt that the Novominsker would advocate having anything more to do with the world at large. If you champion insularity you can't also get involved in the big bad world's doings. It's just not cricket.

Also, I LOVE these circumlocutions:

"Another legal case that was discussed concerned discrimination against the Boy Scouts for the group's principled position on behalf of moral behavior."

And....

"Also on the agenda of last week's meeting was the question of how to react to reports of a planned world-gathering in Yerushalayim of activists promoting immoral behavior. The gathering is scheduled for 2005, but since the last such international carnival in celebration of what the Torah calls to'eivoh brought an estimated half-million participants to Rome, it was deemed important to already begin discussions at this early stage of steps to be taken in the face of this potential colossal chillul Hashem in the Holy City."

Wow. I wonder if their amicus briefs will refrain from referring to "homosexuality." This is kind of like the constitution's use of "other people." It's always nice to see your corelgionists using turns of phrases reminscent of the 18th century.