Protocols
Protocols
A group of Jews endeavors towards total domination of the blogosphere.


Saturday, October 02, 2004  

My Succoth reading:

Patrick O'Brian: Master and Commander: B
Tom Landry: Tom Landry: F
Skip Bayless: God's Coach: The Hymns, Hype and Hypocrisy of Tom Landry's Cowboys: A
Bob St. John: Landry: The Legacy, The Legend: F
Mordecai Richler: Barney's Version: B

I want to read Lori Gottlieb's memoir Stick Figure and I tried to read Jonathan Rosen's novel Eve's Apple but I just can't enjoy stuff that centers on vomiting (eating disorders). I'm similarly uninterested in anything that centers on alcohol or drug abuse. I find that stuff too disturbing.

I am often asked by people to be kept out of my writing. Would they say the same thing to Samuel Pepys or Jean-Jacques Rousseau? (Barney's Version)

Pinchus writes: "I never get any invitations, either. But rather than whine, why didn't YOU invite some of your betters to your hovel? Either you'd have had the pleasure of their complany, or you would have guilt-tripped them into not inviting you over for a meal. You need to think like a Jew here, Luke."

I was walking home from shul Friday night with a new friend. He asked me if I was set up for all my holiday meals. It took me about 30 seconds to choke out no. It was supremely embarrassing. So I had lunch at his place today. Then I lent him my memoir.

posted by LukeFord | 11:33 PM |
 

Why is Yeshiva University Divorcing its Secular Side?

Jewish sex guides.

Anon writes: "If you want to know the rav's "true"philosophy look at his children and grandchildren eg Rav Lichtenstein, Rabbis Meir and Moshe Twersky as well as Rabbi Dr Hayym. All of the have uncompromising fidelity to halachah while embrassing modern scholarship."

Does anon mean that they are embracing modern scholarship or that they are embarrassing modern scholarship? It doesn't make their Torah and Modernity philosophy look good when their followers can't master basic English.

posted by LukeFord | 10:43 PM |
 

Freelance resume for Debra Nussbaum Cohen.

posted by Steven I. Weiss | 10:32 PM |
 

Meeting Jewish Journal singles columnist and author Lori Gottlieb on the first night of Succoth.

Lori Gottlieb reviews: Shanda: The Making and Breaking of a Self-Loathing Jew.

posted by LukeFord | 10:28 PM |
 

Sukkot 5765 in Gaza

posted by LukeFord | 10:24 PM |
 

Rabbi Arthur Green writes TJW: I have known Rabbi Gafni for several years and think highly of his abilities as a creative teacher of Torah. As a trusted friend, I also know how he struggles with a personal history that includes some genuinely bad deeds done when he was quite young, some 20 years ago. He has been relentlessly persecuted for those deeds by a small band of fanatically committed rodfim, in whom proper disapproval of those misdeeds combines with jealously, anger at his swerving from Orthodoxy, and a range of other emotions.

posted by LukeFord | 10:21 PM |


Wednesday, September 29, 2004  

From JTA: A synagogue in New York City is losing support from its umbrella organization because it invited a gay rabbi to give a sermon during Rosh Hashanah, according to reports.

The Union for Traditional Judaism is pulling its support from the Montauk Minyan, which featured Orthodox Rabbi Steve Greenberg as one of its speakers during the holiday, the New York Jewish Week reported. A spokesman for the small congregation says Greenberg did not address gay or lesbian issues during his talk. But the union says homosexual behavior is incompatible with Jewish law.

..........

Luke says: What if it lost its support for inviting a swinger rabbi or the pornischer rebbe? Would there be such a fuss? There is no place in Judaism for swinging, for p---, or for man-on-man sex.

posted by LukeFord | 8:01 PM |
 

Jewlicious says the General Assembly should give accreditation to some bloggers to increase the excitement level.

posted by LukeFord | 7:52 PM |
 

New York 29 yo Jewess Stephanie Klein (who believes she lives Sex in the City) writes:

1. I wet the bed until I was in 6th grade.
2. I ate dinner with Jack Nicholson. There were 5 of us. I don’t recall if he actually ate, but he didn’t talk.
4. Chris Noth (Mr. Big from Sex in the City) asked me out on a date, while his friend (my date) was in the bathroom.
15. I once weighed 168.5 lbs. And wore a size 16 pants, a men’s size 36.
16. When I drink alcohol the bridge of my nose turns bright red.
17. I still worry about my weight but I somehow manage not to puke up my food after every meal like most of Manhattan.
18. I was a vegetarian for 9 years until I was tempted to eat a chicken nugget.
19. I lost my virginity when I was 15 to a boy named Eric Fink.

posted by LukeFord | 5:42 PM |
 

Frum Dad reflects on stealing office supplies until seeing his father's face.

posted by LukeFord | 3:59 PM |
 

Annabel Lee, 26, in LA, learns that the person who loves the least in a relationship controls the relationship.

Or, how can I miss you if you never leave?

Or, we tend to run after that which flees from us.

posted by LukeFord | 3:52 PM |
 

Chayyei Sarah looks forward to taking a good hot shower Friday with all her creamy soaps. Guess who she'll be thinking about?

Afterwards, she'll blow her hair dry. You heard it here first! I love it when she writes like this. And I thought I was the only one who thought in these ways. For all her spiritual ideals, Chayyei Sarah remains a girl who enjoys the pleasures of this world.

posted by LukeFord | 3:34 PM |
 

Evan Gahr goes after Binyamin Jolkovsky of Jewish World Review.

Who is Louis E. Chimpstein? (Evan Gahr's alter-ego.)

posted by LukeFord | 2:30 PM |
 

Settlers complain of intimate get-togethers at Baruch Goldstein’s grave.

posted by LukeFord | 1:24 PM |
 

Succah Website Owner Flouts Beth Din; Denies Wife a Get.

posted by LukeFord | 1:19 PM |
 

Here are two front-page articles from this week's Washington Post about Washington super-lobbyist and Orthodox Jew Jack Abramoff. Some of the information in the Sept. 27 article about the Capital Athletic Foundation was reported more than two months ago by Eric Fingerhut in the Washington Jewish Week. Not that the Post mentioned that.

posted by LukeFord | 11:11 AM |


Tuesday, September 28, 2004  

Friday June 16, 1995
Focus on crimes involving religious Jews sparks debate

DEBRA NUSSBAUM COHEN
Jewish Telegraphic Agency
...
In another high-profile New York case, Rockland County District Attorney Kenneth Gribetz, an Orthodox Jew, quit his post last month shortly before pleading guilty to two misdemeanor counts of defrauding the government in a deal he worked out with the U.S. Attorney.

Although married, a father and grandfather, Gribetz was partly done in by his former mistress, who went to the media with information about him. Gribetz aspired to being a congressman and was admired by many of his area's religious Jews.

Rabbi Moshe Tendler, Gribetz's longtime rabbi, said in an interview that he had often cited Gribetz in his speeches to illustrate how a devout Jew can remain faithful to the laws of kashrut and Shabbat while pursuing any career --even in law and politics.

posted by LukeFord | 8:02 PM |
 

What rabbinic sex abuse stories most miss -- were the rabbis gentle and considerate lovers whose every move was dictated by the Oral Law or were they selfish, thinking only of their own pleasure and not the greater good of klal Yisrael?

posted by LukeFord | 8:00 PM |
 

Israeli Oscars.

Anyone who makes a big deal out of an awards ceremony is masking a certain emptiness inside. That was my perception when I was doing the Jewish journalism book. When I heard from my subjects about how many awards they had won, such as Rockower Awards etc, I felt like they were grasping for legitimacy.

If you do good work, you should know it in your bones, and not look to awards for validation. They can help you economically and professionally, no doubt.

posted by LukeFord | 7:29 PM |
 

A dreamy 22yo (?) girl in Toronto has started blogging. Though I like to think of myself as a moralist, I found myself powerfully affected by these pictures of her. My spirit is willing to be sternly Torahdic, but my flesh is oh so weak.

posted by LukeFord | 5:20 PM |
 

Someone Else writes: I've been into the top role in BDSM for about 5 years now. In my experience, most frum friends are absolutely horrified by it, but there are always exceptions. I'm not particularly qualified to comment on the frum submale mentality, but I have met several...mostly masochists, interestingly. I'm sure hay can be made of that. At the same time, I think the majority of both genders prefer the sub role. The one exception seems to be ex-frum guys, who seem to be disprotionately dominant. I'm sure people can think of reasons for that.

I am surprised, however, that orthodox men were seen at an S/M event. I'd have thought that discretion would be the better part of valor in this regard. I do recall one Friday night years ago though, at an S/M club in Chelsea. There was one fellow, in a white shirt, black pants and a yarmulke indentation, who had obviously been to shul earlier just roaming around the place. He'd had to pay to get in, and I assume he'd gone surreptitiously. It was interesting.

As for halacha, I don't see how it can be ok except within very limited confines. I understand that dominatrices rarely engage in sexual conduct, but even so, there is still a negiah (and probably ervah) problem. Private play (non-professional) often incorporates even less kosher elements.

I suppose, in short, that frum jews are no different than anyone else in desires. This is hardly a shocker.

Lainie Speiser, Penthouse publicist and former Yeshiva girl, writes:

At the S&M event, The Black and Blue Ball I spoke with one Orthodox man at quite a length about all this. I spoke with him because kept coming around the talent for foot worship (he was worshipping).

He did say that his fascination was partly due to the domineering jewish mother very common in jewish families, and also because this was sexually gratifying contact without feeling he was cheating on his wife and mother of his children. I asked him if his wife knew he was there, of course she did not, though he did say he'd love to share this with her but he could barely get her into bed as it was.

An very close long time friend of mine was once called Mistress Ruby and she has a book on Amazon, anyway, she told me the majority of her clients were either Catholics or Orthodox Jews. In fact one client would whole up in the dungeon for days at a time doing cocaine and having several doms service him, and they're job was to make sure he made it back to his suburban home in time for Sabbath. In this case, his wife KNEW of this and when he was missing for a few days she'd call the dungeon looking for him.

R. Brand, don't feel sorry for me hon, I live a lovely and happy life, and boruch hashem I'm fine. I don't see what the harm is in looking at photos of naked bodies, but if you do, thats cool, don't look at them then. We're not slaves to anybody anymore are we. Let My Porno Go!

To the S&M thing, I just remembered how at the Seder table me and my friends (as my mother encouraged me to bring friends, especially gentile ones to Passover so they would learn our story) would giggle when someone would read the line, "Please deliver me from the House of Bondage."

And Alex, this is why so many jews stray, because its always all or nothing with orthodox people and thats just crazy. Anyone who does SOMETHING should be applauded. Even if you just get together with your family for dinner on Rosh Hashanah, thats great. Even if you just eat matzah for one or two days on Passover, that fine. As long as we remember who we are, what we came from, and pass our identities on, thats what counts. But we should be free to be who we are and live the way we want to as long as we're being good to our fellow man. This kind of "We don't like you evil jew porn peddler" this isn't very loving and nice and godly.

posted by LukeFord | 4:14 PM |
 

Radio host says Shawn Green's baseballs scheduling problems would be over if he only accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior.

posted by LukeFord | 4:03 PM |
 

I'm hearing good things about the $4 million movie When Do We Eat?:

Plot Outline: A family's Passover gets screwy after the patriarch unknowingly ingests a hit of Ecstasy.

Source says: The film was even better than what was written there. It is something made for a jewish audience, but he didn't make it too religious so that it could go mainstream without leaving people out. I am not sure how they could market it properly to actually pull in non-jews, but it should be done as it is a great film and is for almost everyone.
I am just impressed with how they tie so much together. the rabbi (Mordecai Finley) who introduced it said something about how this film has everything his favorite book has; family, religion, sex, incest, drugs, love, humor, etc....just like the bible.

posted by LukeFord | 3:23 PM |
 

From NY Press:

DANIEL RADOSH

Wee jerk. A humorist who's not funny is forgivable. But Daniel Radosh is also a blogger hack who's too lazy to even figure out what a blog is. This is not forgivable. His remarkably clueless May "Talk of the Town" piece about agent Kate Lee, who's signed up a handful of web geeks, began with this paragraph:

"Two years from now—give or take—Elizabeth Spiers, the founding editor of the gossip Web sites Gawker and The Kicker, will publish her first novel. Around the same time, Glenn Reynolds, who writes the political Web log Instapundit, will also have a book in stores. So, too, may writers from the blogs Hit & Run, The Black Table, Dong Resin, Zulkey, Low Culture, Lindsayism, Megnut, Maud Newton, MemeFirst, Old Hag, PressThink, I Keep a Diary, Buzz Machine, Engadget, and Eurotrash."

Cool, new media takes over old media, but, um, not all these sites are actually blogs. This is not mere semantics. Furthermore, the paragraph is such an oversell because, obviously, signing with an agent isn't even close to the same thing as having a book deal. And of course, bloggers and other cool web folks with books is an old ----ing story. Sassy Pamela Ribon of Pamie.com's Why Girls Are Weird book was released last summer. Tara Ariano of Television Without Pity has published a novel. Austin-based publishing house So New Media has already put out a handful of books from web writers including the gal who runs Zulkey.com.

We could go on, but we're going to let Radosh do his own research.

posted by LukeFord | 3:17 PM |
 

From NY Press: BEST JEWISH DATING SCENE

SATURDAY MORNING AT KEHILAT HADAR

Kosher meat market. One of the reasons young, single Jewish New Yorkers go to synagogue on Friday and sit through an hour and a half of Hebrew prayers, self-righteous sermons from rabbis and all that Manischewitz is that it's one of the easiest dating scenes in New York. When you're standing with a prayer book in your hands and a shawl wrapped around your shoulders, it somehow doesn't sound quite so sketchy to ask, "Haven't I seen you here before...?"

For those who have mastered the Jewish Dating Scene, there are a number of old favorites:

B'nai Jeshurun (don't laugh: abbreviated as "B.J.") was once considered the hot Jewish dating scene of the Upper West Side. It's Uber-Reform and extremely "inclusive" (aka annoying). But most people who attend B.J. have, well, married each other.

posted by LukeFord | 3:15 PM |
 

Adam Ragil Invites You to Renew Your Days as of Old

posted by LukeFord | 1:08 PM |
 

Rowan Berkeley writes: I had an interesting book by a certain Rabbi Schonfeld of the Satmar or NK persuasion which collected all the old articles by ultra-Orthodox
polemicists of the '50s accusing the Lubavitcher Rebbe of fraternising with such G*dless zionists as Zalman Shazar. At that time Lubavitch was regarded as selling out to the marxist-atheist zionist state, and now of course Chabad is part of a global imperialist network which is as much at home in the corridors of the US Congress or the Kremlin as it is in those of the Knesset. Previously, however, it had shared the ultra-Orthodox abhorrence for all modernism, whether assimilationist or nationalist, and it would have been quite content with the sort of wild and wacky statements that we hear now from Rabbi Ovadia Yosef.

posted by LukeFord | 11:19 AM |
 

Shmarya inquires: Scientific Proof For Kol Isha?
. . . That said, not all women with attractive voices are promiscuous, but "promiscuous females tend to have more attractive voices," co-author Dr. Gordon G. Gallup Jr., of the University at Albany, State University of New York, told Reuters Health.

posted by LukeFord | 10:52 AM |
 

Ira Levine, husband of Nina Hartley, writes: Funny thing, this. I think perhaps VFB, who confuses SM with abuse, has equally little insight into Jewish religious practice.

Years ago back in Denver, I was invited to Sabbath dinner at the home of legendary [Chasidic] Rabbi Solomon Twersky. A friend of mine was trying very hard, for reasons unexplained, to recruit me for Twersky's congregation.

After dinner, I was granted a brief audience with the imposing rebbe, who wanted to know, in that statement-posing-as-a-question way, why I shouldn't join. I told him that I thought my BDSM orientation might pose an obstacle.

What followed was a display of rabbinic thought that could have levitated the house. A veritable smoking factory of Talmudic cerebration, Twersky rocked back and forth, stroked and twisted his beard, mumbled to himself, looked heavenward, then pronounced his final conclusion with a shrug.

"There's no rule against it!"

Since then, I haven't worried much about the theological implications of my
kinks.

...........

Valley Guy writes: A friend's wife told me this summer that she works as a dominatrix. I was shocked, but intrigued also. It's not every day that a Nice Jewish Boy meets a dominatrix in a non-dominatrix setting, after all. Not that I've ever met a dominatrix in a dominatrix setting either, but anyway... So I asked her a lot of questions all about it. She said a lot of her orthodox male clients (who prefer Jewish dominatrices, btw) like getting spanked; they tell her they'd ask their wives to do it but they're too embarrassed. Are some hareidi societies as misogynistic as anti-hareidiists claim they are? No idea, never been hareidi. But according to the old New York Times (Magazine) article at http://tinyurl.com/6khr6 , if i remember it correctly, people in positions of power sometimes feel a need to be put in a position of anti-power for a while. Balance out the karma or something like that.
Or maybe they feel burned out from the brainpower-intensive orthodox lifestyle. Always gotta think - is this food kosher?, can I do this action on shabbos?, what do I do if I come to shul late and have to skip something?, etc. Maybe it feels good to let someone else make all the decisions. Or I dunno, maybe the whole BDSM thing is so incredibly Other from the male-female relationships they've known that they're just curious?

posted by LukeFord | 10:48 AM |
 

VFB writes: Ms. Speiser notes that she saw many Orthodox men at an S&M event. From various articles and anecdotes, it seems that a disproportionate amount of Orthodox individuals are into S&M. I wonder if this is not the result of a mindset that is deeply imbedded in Orthodox religious belief, which associates punishment with affection.

The Talmud states that the Jews acceptance of God at Mount Sinai was similar to a wedding, with Jews as the Bride and God as the Groom. They entered into an S&M relationship. Jews believe that they are the chosen people, and yet they seem to be abused a great deal by the one that chose them. This can cause people to believe that there is a relationship between affection and abuse.

Think into prayer. So much of it consists acknowledging our nothingness, referring to ourselves as a slave, and begging our master for forgiveness so that we can avoid punishment. If the master were not God, but Mistress Whoever, much of prayer would read like an S&M fantasy.

posted by LukeFord | 1:37 AM |
 

According to Yohanan ben Dabai, a man may do what he will with his wife; within the zone of the marriage bed all is permitted. I, however, side with Rabbi Eliezer who argues that, while having intercourse, one should think on arcane points of law.

posted by LukeFord | 1:34 AM |


Monday, September 27, 2004  

Opting Out of Orthodoxy: I'd Rather Be Adored Than Ignored

posted by LukeFord | 11:40 PM |
 

Should the Anglican church divest from Israel?

posted by LukeFord | 7:30 PM |
 

Bus conductors in Swaziland have vowed to assault and rape female passengers who wear mini-skirts, sparking outrage among women's groups in the conservative African kingdom.

posted by LukeFord | 6:03 PM |
 

Lainie Speiser of Penthouse posts to Protocols: To reply to these posts: Yes as someone who still goes to an orthodox shul it is indeed very sexual exciting when the men and women are separated. In my temple the men are on the ground floor and the women are on a balcony above. And there is a whole lot of men checking us out from above, but of course most of the men that look me over are married with several children.

And yes the mystery might make it sexy for the men but what of the women? Again this is totally a man's sexuality nothing that benefits a woman.

Yes I do think G-d does approve of me and what I do because I'm honest first of all, and second of all I believe the most important commandment, Do unto others as you'd have done unto you. There is a Rabbi who said you could sum up the entire Torah on one foot with that one line.

Live and let live I say. as long as its positive and good and human.

But hypocrisy, well as someone who lived in Williamsburg for awhile it never ceased to amaze me about how many satmars would load into a beat up old station wagon looking for crack hos to perform five dollar BJ's.

Yes I'm a porn peddler and have met many many orthodox people who are huge porn fans. I was at an S&M event, The Black and Blue ball are met many orthodox men and hasids there. Also, three orhodox men started a porno site with me a few years ago. Of course no one in their temple knew of this.

I believe in god and feel him within me all the time because I have an open mind, heart and soul. Thats all thats needed.

posted by LukeFord | 5:14 PM |
 

I like to think of myself as a moralist, but I must admit that the shape of a young woman's midot can have a profound affect on me.

Because I got such a large response the first time I published some comments from Lainie Speiser [picture of her sandwiched between Linn Thomas on the left, and Dr. Victoria Zdrok on the right, pic is glatt kosher], publicist of Penthouse, here are some more of her emails to be (published with her permission):

Orthodox!? Hell no! I did suffer a horrible eight years at Yeshiva of Hudson County from ages five through 13. But try as I may I cannot get any of those song-prayers out of my head, I remember all my blessings and if you put a sider in front of me I probably could still read the blasted thing. My Mom drags me to Temple once a year during High Holy Days and last year I took a novel (with the cover off) and it was so much more pleasant for me.

I believe in god believe it or not, but in all religions, well they're all bunk to me, and encourage seperatist behavior. I'm very spiritual and try to be the best person I can be, but I don't need to go to a building or read the words someone else wrote to prove it.

This business (behind the scenes) is all Catholics 'n Jews.

I grew up a sephardic jew first generation American (Mom is from Tangiers, Dad is from Argentina), and while my Mom did keep a kosher home we ate whatever we wanted outside of the home. I don't keep kosher now in or outside my house. That's another ridiculous rule. All these things need to be updated. Dietary restrictions were made during the "bible days" because of lack of refridgeration etc. Now its silly, although I agree, pork is not good for anyone. But I love lobster and crab and all that other shellfish.

I remember a song they taught us as little kids in Yeshiva, it went, "...all the animals that we eat must chew their cud and have split feet..." My older sister keeps kosher, although not religious and married a Southern Blond Goy (my sister and I love our men vanilla). I don't know why she does, I've tried to get her to try lobster but she won't do it.

Yom Tovin? Whats that? I know what Yom Tov, but what's Yom Tovin?

What made you want to convert to Judiasm? Are you orthodox?

My Dad is an atheist, but yet has always been really into being a jew because of the history and politics, and although he shacked up with a fair shair of shiksas, mainly of the Latina variety, he told me in his heart it didn't feel right, that he knew he would only marry a jewish girl.

I've been on TV a few times because of my job, and my Mom is mortified when her fellow Temple Beth Abraham brothers and sisters say they saw me on TV. But they're
cool about it for the most part.

Whats "shaygetzes?"

I guess it is divine compared to other religions. I mean I like the fact that we don't pray to false idols for instance. But I don't like the orthodox way towards women --- covering your hair because its only for your husband and not being able to sing in public.... I lived in Williamsburg, Brooklyn a while ago, we lived walking distance to the Satmars, and although they wouldn't put money in my hand when giving me change back (they owned the best bakery), they had know problem piling into their beat up old station wagon trolling for crack ho's. I just really really hate the hypocrisy.

Which brings me to my next question ... how is it an orthodox jew peddles and/or pushes ----? Or are you some kinda "modern" orthodox? Do you go to temple every saturday? Do you pray every morning? Do you keep Sabbath?

I guess you can say I've only dated non jews. Recently tho' I hooked up with a
real jewish cutie, not a boyfriend/girlfriend thing, more of a casual thing, and I think it was cool with me because he's from Tennessee. Other than that I've been on a date here and a date there, nothing really came of it, one guy had an anxiety attack on the date. NYC jews should lighten up I think.

Well Luke, y'know you have a name in adult entertainment, no? I don't dig p---
myself. I think of myself as a drug dealer who doesn't do the drugs, which is
how I've been able to stay in it so long. But I don't think it should be
abolished, and anyway, it could never be. P---, like prostitution, will never
fade. I like the business of it though, obviously I've chosen to remain in it.

And you know with all this FCC hassle going on, lately it makes me proud to be
in this business. Enjoying freedoms isn't just about what each individual likes, but most importantly even what you don't like. Of course I wouldn't support say a Nazi magazine, but it is their right to publish it.

Get out of town, you are shomer negiya? I can't imagine a man whose shomer
negiya asking me how Jim Goad knows about the size of my breasts (he's met me
in person by the way, thats how he knows, we've know each other for awhile now,
distantly obviously, but stayed in good contact. He's one of the coolest,
smartest I've ever met). What kind of shomer negiya are you ... no touching at
all or no sex? I've seen many varieties.

The Stamars did try to get action off me, you know, anyone who isn't one of
them might as well be a crack ho.

Hey I guess I sound pretty Jew harsh, obviously this has brought much good into
your life and thats great. Maybe if you'd have had my religious background you'd think differently, but maybe not.

I'm not religious or political. I'm in the business of the politics of people. People are what interest me the most. But of course most of my family is Republican because they're pro Isreal. For me, well I just don't want to be told how to live, whether its about abortion or religion or smoking or p---.

One of my henchmen emailed me a link to your Looking for a Wife site. I got a big kick out of it.

I do know of two very marriage minded Jewesses who would love to settle down and have babies and go to Temple and make latkas. One has a very good job working for the DA's office in Queens (and she shares your politics). The other doesn't have as great a career but is highly educated and hasn't had intercourse in so long I'd say
she's a born again virgin. And they are both attractive too (the woman who works for the DA's office has very very shiny chestnut colored hair and green eyes).

But alas your age requirements I feel are too stiff. They are older than me, in their late 30s (they are close friends of my older sister). But Luke, its very common for women to pop our children in their late 30s and early 40s. My Mother had me well into middle age and had no problem getting preggo at all, in fact with both her pregnancies she got knocked up right away, my sister was conceived on the Honeymoon and I was conceived on their anniversary four years later.

So although I found all your requirements extremely reasonable, I think you could bend on the age thang. After all sir, you are no spring chicken, how do we know your sperm is still vital?

Actually I thought all the other requirements were fine, and you weren't too physically picky either (and I totally agree about the hip to waist ratio that is the most important part of the female form in my opinion). It was just the age. Because younger women aren't necessarily so marriage and children minded, but then again, we are talking JEWS aren't we?

I'd love to hook you up with my friends. Meryl and Sandi... it don't get much more Jewy than that. And I even think they'd be willing to uproot themselves for you. More so Sandi, because her career isn't the big deal that Meryl's is, tho' I feel Meryl would be the better match in verbal matters.

See I didn't throw my marital hat in the ring because although I do have long hair and a good waist to hip ratio and am jewish and smart, I'm too much of a bad girl for you, I smoke cigarettes and weed and enjoy cocktails and I wouldn't join you in temple every week and then there is the p---- peddler job that I very much enjoy. Too bad my Mother would have adored you.

Well then Mr. Ford, if a lot is tongue and cheek, may I take the liberty to ask
about your oral views as expressed on the site? Because ---- --- - mutually -
is one of the greatest pleasures in the world, and I feel it IS safe ---
actually. And I would never perform oral on anyone if they were wearing a condom - GROSS! Are you that germaphobic or just a man that really isn't into performing it but doesn't want to flat out say it? I hope that was part of the joke, because I could never in good faith recommend a man who is uptight in these areas.

Well sir, that is a pity. And that isn't fair either. You'd probably get a lot
more ----, and more importantly enthusiastic ----, if you acquired a taste for
it. But that's an Aussie thing isn't it? I haven't had relations with any Australians, but I got this report from a close friend of mine long ago.

Luke I think Hashem is very dissapointed in you and perhaps that is why you
haven't had the naches to meet the right lady yet. Don't you know you'd be
performing a great mitzvah by putting your selfish views aside and giving? I
think you must have experienced some nasty hairy hygenically challenged girl in
Australia and it turned you off for good.

Ha, if Torah gave me orgasms I wouldn't have left Yeshiva for good at the age
of 13! But it is chock full of dirty stories, this is true.

Now I'm going to be a nice jewish girl and not relay this to Victoria [Zdrok]. She
would be very disenchanted with you if she heard that.

posted by LukeFord | 4:56 PM |
 

Dennis Prager was in Miami this past weekend to lecture at a non-Orthodox synagogue on Yom Kippur. He spoke Friday night to 650 people. Saturday the temple heeded the city's hurricane warning (even though there was no evidence to believe the hurricane was headed towards Miami, it only drizzled) and closed down. Prager's hotel closed down. Virtually every non-Orthodox synagogoue in the city's low-lying areas closed down (because its members watch TV and got hysterical over the hurriance passing hundreds of miles to the north). All the Orthodox synagogues in Miami stayed open on Saturday (because its members don't watch TV on holy days).

Prager noted that his Trump hotel said it was evacuating because of liability concerns. Out of fear of lawsuits. That is the same reason that propelled the city to urge its citizens in low-lying areas to evacuate even though there was no evidence of threat and there was only a light drizzle.

posted by LukeFord | 2:15 PM |
 

Could Philip Roth's forthcoming novel tip the scales in favor of Bush?

Jonathan Tobin: Do journalists take sides?

Paul Greenberg: Because the West dares to exist.

Tucker Carlson on authenticity vs. hypocrisy

Jay D. Homnick: The trumpet unblown.

Ed Koch asks why does The New York Times ignore the religious element of Islamic terrorism.

posted by LukeFord | 1:45 PM |
 

Torahumaddachic is a senior at UCLA. She is currently studying population genetics and masechet ketubot. She will continue to synthesize for Chakira throughout the week. If only she could learn how to format, she'd be the perfect woman.

posted by LukeFord | 1:44 PM |
 

Shmarya on Chabad's lack of effort in rescuing needy Jews in 1943 and 1983.

posted by LukeFord | 1:43 PM |
 

Lainie Speiser, publicist for Penthouse, writes me: As a survivor of 9 years at Yeshiva of Hudson County in Union City, NJ I can tell you, no woman can be possibly sexual AND orthodox at the same time. The rules of orthodoxy don't allow it
because it doesn't allow a woman to shine in any way shape or form whether it be showing her hair or singing in public.

Last week at my gym, I noticed an orthodox woman (I go to an all girls gym) watching me work out. I knew she was orthodox from her wig and the fact that she was wearing an oversize dowdy floor length skirt. Anyway, she came by to ask me about some arm exercises I was doing, I gave her some advice and she walked away. I wanted to ask
her why the hell she was wearing her wig and skirt in the company of other women, it is after all an women's only gym.

I felt sorry for this woman, really, really sorry.

I spent Yom Kippur at my mothers house. I struck a deal with her -- that I'd go to evening services Friday night and closing evening services on Saturday night. While my father, mother and sister were at the day services on Saturday I smoked pot like a teenager, with my body halfway out of the window, I napped, and I read a great book
by a great pulp fiction writer. I didn't eat, I didn't drink, but you see Luke I contemplate my existance every single damn day, I scold myself for any bad behavior every single damn day, and I try to be the best person I can be every damn day.

Hashem knows this very well about me, and I think he would've approved at how I spent Yom Kippur. And more than anything I made my family happy by being there.

posted by LukeFord | 1:37 PM |
 

Haaretz: The army is a reflection of the manifestation of the kingdom of Israel. Place over yourselves a king of whom you will be in awe, we are commanded by the halakha (Jewish religious law). The status of the government is not only emotional, it an integral part of our essence. The obligation to obey the order of the king was laid down in the halakha, and in ancient times a king was entitled to execute anyone who rebelled against the kingdom - though this sanction does not exist in a democratic structure, of course. That power is no longer granted to the army in a democratic society, but the obligation to obey draws from it.

posted by LukeFord | 4:41 AM |


Sunday, September 26, 2004  

Cathy Seipp writes on the Matthew Klam NYT blogger article.

Charles Johnson of LGF writes: Matthew Klam, with whom I spoke on the phone for 43 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back, writes a story for the New York Times Magazine about political blogs.

And in a 10-page article, covers only the left wing blogs, including the worst, most virulent centers of lunacy.

In glowing terms.

Featuring a photo of Markos Zuniga, the owner of Daily Kos.

There is not one word about the anti-idiotarian blogosphere. No LGF. No Roger L. Simon. No Michael Totten. No Allah. No Belmont Club. No Power Line. No INDC Journal. No Command Post. No Michele. No Cox & Forkum. No Rantburg.

Nobody but Atrios, Josh Marshall, Daily Kos, Wonkette, and the other New York Times-approved left-wing drones.

Not one word. Ten pages.

The New York Times, with help from Matthew Klam, is trying to make us all disappear.

I don’t trust myself to write what I really feel about Klam’s outrageously slanted piece. Read it for yourself: Fear and Laptops on the Campaign Trail.

The mainstream media’s shameful, arrogant bias, up there for all to see.

.............

Ace writes: Well, after two weeks in which conservative bloggers and conservative posters on conservative for a like FreeRepublic disprove a major media fraud and nearly bring down a sitting anchorman (and when I say "nearly," I just mean we're not done yet), the New York Times decides to write a big Sunday Magazine article about bloggers.

About FreeRepublic, that started the ball rolling?

About PowerLine, that greatly advanced the story in those first hours?

About LGF, who proved the documents to be forgeries within hours of seeing them by just posting an MS Word copy of the text on his site?

Oh, no.

You might think that those might be the bloggers the NYTimes would talk to -- you know, the ones actually making news.

But you'd be wrong.

In the first clear victory for the blogosphere over the legacy media, the New York Times decides to spend ten pages talking about...

Daily Kos, Josh Marshall, and Wonkette.

Gee, PowerLine LGF refuted a 60 Minutes story and put the entire CBS News organization in a state of crisis, and Wonkette tells dick-jokes (bad ones, actually). Who's more newsworthy?

posted by LukeFord | 5:20 PM |
 

Calif. to Post Details on Sex Offenders on Internet. Perhaps the Jewish community should follow suit?

"Under the legislation, the home address, name, photo and other details of sex offenders will be posted online. Previously such information was only available at places such as police stations in California."

posted by LukeFord | 1:37 PM |
 

Shmarya's documentation:
The Rebbe's Letter on the Rescue of Ethiopian Jews

The 1943 Rabbi's March on Washington

Embezzlement in Vilna?

posted by LukeFord | 1:33 PM |
 

I want to talk about the problem of sexual arousal during davening. What's a man to do? Particularly a homosexual. I don't know how a homosexual can keep it zipped what with all those hot sweaty tzadiks about.

posted by LukeFord | 1:25 PM |
 

My Yom Kippur book reviews:

John Grisham, The Summons: B
Saul Bellow, Herzog: C-
Laurence Roth: Inspecting Jews: American Jewish Detective Stories: C
Neurotica: Jewish Writers on Sex: B+
Murder is no Mitzvah: Short Mysteries About Jewish Occasions: B+

posted by LukeFord | 1:18 PM |
 

Management the Hasidic Way
Moneybox—the special Days of Awe edition.

posted by LukeFord | 1:12 PM |
 

A Shmarya spoof on abortion made even easier.

posted by LukeFord | 11:51 AM |
 

Chakira adds a UCLA female guest-blogger while he's in Israel - Torahumaddachic.

posted by LukeFord | 11:49 AM |
 

Need some advice. What's a good bat mitzvah gift for a somewhat observant teenage girl? Something Jewish-related but not boring (i.e. no books). Any ideas? Thanks

posted by Deranged GOT Fan | 11:45 AM |
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