Meredith sends in this link. I have way too many punchlines to fill in here, so I think I'm going to cop-out and turn this into a Protocols Contest. Submit your funny or insightful reaction -- best one gets recognized as a Protocols Contest Winner! (For the record, the punchline I'd have written would have included a reference to "Oreos". And that's all I'm going to say...)
UPDATE: Reader Nechama submits (through Meredith) a site devoted to penguins as personal pets.

Jerry Falwell supports an ammendment to the constitution defining marriage as between one man and one woman:

"We must not allow our children and children's children to grow up in a nation with legalized polygamy, common law marriage and same-sex marriage. The only way to put the traditional and biblical family form of one man married to one woman safely out of the reach of future courts and legislatures is to pass an amendment to the U.S. Constitution."

Dr. Laura No Longer Observant (WND):

Dr. Laura Schlessinger, one of the nation's most popular radio talk-show hosts and the most successful on-air counselor, is no longer practicing the rituals of Judaism – a religion she converted to a decade ago in her 40s.

''I felt that I was putting out a tremendous amount toward that mission, that end, and not feeling return, not feeling connected, not feeling that inspired"

''By and large, the faxes from Christians have been very loving, very supportive,'' she said. ''They'd say, 'We're praying for you.' 'We hope you can attain this because of the work you do.' 'We can see how committed you are.' 'You are doing God's work.' 'It's a shame you haven't been able to feel. ...' really supportive, nice stuff. From my own religion, I have either gotten nothing, which is 99 percent of it, or two of the nastiest letters I have gotten in a long time. I guess that's my point, I don't get much back. Not much warmth coming back. It's intellectual, argumentative and angry. If anything, that's all solidified me where I am.''

Parsha Senryu - Parshas Vaeschanan
Only made it about halfway through when it seemed like I had enough, and stopped.

I pleaded with God -
"Vaeschanan," I did:
Let me cross over. (3:23-25)
(SIW)

Don't mention it, man;
You're not gonna go across...
You can take a peek. (3:26-27)
(SIW)

"Chazak V'amatz"
Give Joshua strength and courage;
He'll surely need it. (3:28)
(SIW)

"Do not add on these."
No hats, clothes, weird "chumras," or:
Orange on seder platel (4:2)
(SIW)

Don't drive; rather, walk.
And warm your food on your blech.
"Wise and discerning." (4:6)

Ah, graven images.
You know the ones that I mean.
Don't make any of those. (4:15-18)
(SIW)

Iron-blast furnace --
That's what God took you out of.
Houdini, Dei. (4:20)
(SIW)

I just don't get it:
If God's angry at Moses,
What's so bad for us? (4:21)
(SIW)

You will go in there,
Afterward, you will disperse.
This day, my witness. (4:21)
(SIW)

Gods can't smell, hear, eat...
Those of wood or stone, at least.
What about Yahweh? (4:28)
(SIW)

Write your own parsha senryu! They are three-line poems that have a 5-7-5 syllabic structure. Write for next week's parsha, Eikev, and send thim in by Thursday night; the best will be included.
Senryu are also posted in the Live Poetry Forum at Mimaamakim.

I guess if Arafat can win the Nobel Peace Prize, this should not be surprising:

Hanan Ashrawi, the outspoken 'advocate' for the 'Palestinian cause,' has won the 2003 Sydney Peace Prize.

No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.
--John Keating, Dead Poets Society

At 2am, my daughter decided that it was time to play. Requiring some distraction to keep my sanity, I turned to TNT’s graveyard shift movie and The Dead Poets Society cut through the shadows in my bedroom.

Watching Keating inspire revolution in young men, I searched longingly for a romantic period in my life, for a teacher, a rebbe, a guide who opened my eyes to the joys and riches of the world, one who released the shackles of expectation and challenged me to live an extraordinary life.

The scenes swept before my eyes - yeshiva, camps, parties, college, beis medrash - my quest was quick but comprehensive. No moment, no such personality, no advocate of seizing the day. The smile adorning my face vanished into the darkness.

A classic tale of challenging norms, fighting for progress, passion and life’s very beauty, Dead Poets ought to be required curriculum for all Yeshiva students. These quashed souls must be freed from their realities of conformity and conservatism. They must be permitted to see that wisdom is not the restricted domain of a textbook or a saged elder, but the experience of life. For why else do we live?

The clock now read 4am and the credits were rolling. I looked down at the greatest gift I have ever known and I wondered what she would find when she looked through her life for a heroic figure that challenged her to live as only she could. As if reading my thoughts, she clutched her doll, looked up at me, smiled from ear to ear and cooed something incoherent. Returning the smile and offering a kiss, I couldn’t help but hope that she was saying, “Oh Captain, My Captain.”

(soon to be officially) Rabbi Yuter II's posted his Tisha B'Av lecture, entitled "The Historical Meaning of Tish'a B'av (9 Av)", that was given at the Bridge Shul yesterday in the middle of a series of fast-killing movies. One good part to get you interested:

Again assuming that history is merely didactic and meant to teach lessons as opposed to facts we must also consider the unintended consequences. Presumeably, the reason why we would try to fit other events into 9 Av [crusades, WWI, Spanish Expulsion, etc. -ayb] is to give more significance to 9 Av - it demonstrates the auspiciousness of 9 Av throughout Jewish History. However, the very need to add more significance to 9 Av implies that there isn't enough significance on its own. 9 Av is somehow lacking, and we need to make it more meaningful. Furthermore, the events themselves become more meaningful because the happened on 9 Av - again implying that these events aren't intrinsicly important, but need the added bonus of occuring on 9 Av. And what of the other tragedies that didn't happen on 9 Av? Are they somehow less important?
This is not to say that we should not connect the tragedies of Jewish History to 9 Av. On the contrary, we are so far removed from the Hurban that we would need some tragedy in our own lives to begin to grasp what it's like. Those in the European shtetl during the Crusades and Holocaust knew destruction. They experienced and internalized descruction. For them, remembering the Hurban is something real.
Distorting history for a derasha is a gimmick which cheapens both the day and the events.

I had thought that the Frum Jew On Secular Campus issue was more or less over, but somebody apparently forgot to tell the Jewish Week (link via Judith Weiss).

Jim Davila, by the way, cited a really interesting article about the relationship between the bar-kokhba rebellion and the renaming of Jerusalem "Aelia Capitolina" by the Romans sometime in the 130s. Specifically, which came first, and what does the mishna in ta'anit mean when it refers to the "plowing of the city" as one of the official reasons for fasting on 9 Av. Cool stuff, and a good demonstration of the large amount amount of guesswork that goes into good classical scholarship. But we (read: "I") still enjoy it...

Just a bit that struck me from Adi's Tisha B'Av Experience:

The Kotel was a gigantic social scene when we got there. Thousands of Israeli teenagers wandered among Chasidim and black-hatters, and most seemed more interested in playing with their cell phones than mourning the destruction of the temple. I coudn't think of a less inspiring Tisha B'Av atmosphere.

Elder I's first meal (so far): Stroehmann's Dutch Country 100% Whole Wheat Bread with Athenos-brand "Original"-style Hummus, washed down with water.
UPDATE: I had thought, by drinking water slowly first after having anti-bacteria-ized my mouth with Listerine, that I could avoid that roof-of-the-mouth post-fast pain, mistakenly. Anyone have some scientific ideas about why that happens and proven ways for avoiding it?

Daniel Gross has a piece on the Vivendi/Seagram breakup and the charges of anti-Semitism and anti-non-Semitism that flew. He says it's bunk because they're both idiot businessmen -- apparently rather obviously true. Thing is, Messier still sounds like an anti-Semite.

Reader Duvie Billet sends in a response to Stern:

Re. my former friend Eliyahu's take on Kamtza: To paraphrase Marge Gunderson, "I'm not sure I agree with you 100 percent on your police work there, Eliyahu." Where, specifically, "throughout the Kamza story," are the rabbis "blamed for not speaking out against the gratuitous hatred and surrounded them"?
The only one I see making this charge is the injured Bar Kamtza, but his is hardly the last word. In fact it is one rabbi's principled (but not, apparently, correct) refusal to kill Bar Kamtza that is cited by R. Yohanan as the "cause" of the devastation and exile. Sure, the partygoing rabbis come off badly for holding their peace while Bar Kamtza is humiliated, but everyone associated with that jamboree comes off as some kind of jerk. The absent Kamtza's name literally means "miser"; if his friend, the anonymous host, is also a miser, then his love for money bows to his nastiness as he refuses Bar Kamtza's largess and shows him the door. Speak of the smarmy Bar Kamtza: it does not come as a surprise that a guy willing to fork over all that Dane Geld for the privilege of sharing drinks with a guy who very obviously cant stand him ends up making everybody pay for his embarrassment. (This sort of person gets reincarted as a Fascist policeman.) If the vignette is meant to give a snapshot of a society wounded by social strife, and suggest that here lie its ruin (I am not convinced that this is the point) it does not seem to me that the rabbis are singles out for blame.
P.S. In the interest of full disclosure, let me state that my father is a rabbi and I am studying to become one. But let me also state that Eliyahu Stern was thrown out of a bar last week while a certain rosh yeshiva sat there and said nothing.

My reference to "one rabbi's principled (but not, apparently, correct) refusal to kill Bar Kamtza" is not my personal endorsement of the closing of Bar Kamtza's bank account. The view is R. Yohanan's. I do not advocate throwing rocks at cars on Shabbat either, unless they are enviromentally unfriendly.

Tisha B'av J-Blogging Roundup:
Weisburd links to a road map protest -- since you're so hungry that you're a raving lunatic, why not apply it to a cause you care about?
Aidel Maidel has some compelling thoughts on infertility, celebration, mourning and restraint.
Like the afternoon movies they show you at camp, AKS is compiling a list of chick flicks; not exactly The Wave, but I guess it'll do.
Rinat announces she isn't fasting, thanks to a sort of Israeli assimilation.
Hassidic Musician finds an interesting leniency for listening to children's music during the three weeks -- "because it's annoying."
Adi Neuman roams Jerusalem.
Mobius compares the Kamza story with Greek mythology, though it seems to come up pretty short; nice try, anyway.
Kesher Talk has a link-filled explanatory post.
Klezmer Shack's got nothing, which is a disappointment -- what does he think about the music restrictions or any of the other music-related stuff?
Ocean Guy produces a list of events that supposedly happened on this day in years previous.
PaleoJudaica has links to some of the stuff you'd expect him to link to.
Pejman appears to be busy reflecting...on running for governor.
Shosh wonders about sitting on a chair at work in a post titled "hungry."
Mike Sanders has a post on senseless hatred (via Winds of Change).
And, of course, there's Yuter's detective work on the 9 Av tragedy stories.
Then there's the Protocols stuff -- scroll up & down.

Since it's such a slow posting day, I figure I'll clear out the Rushkoff cabinets. Here are some e-mail exchanges, some of which have already in part made it into posts or articles. Here's an e-mail he sent after I asked if he would comment for the Jewsweek piece:

I was following for a while, but then it seemed somewhat senseless to me – particularly some of the assertions of ‘fact’ going around on there. I’m delighted that the book could serve as the trigger for a conversation – any conversation – but it started to seem to me that people were more intent on proving what they already knew (or thought they knew) than opening their heads to new possibilities.
So it’s definitely a great exercise in how to dismiss something, but I don’t know that you guys made the effort to wrap your head around what I was trying to do.
Fair enough – you don’t have to. But it felt more to me like you were defending Judaism against something than figuring out whether or not there was anything here to be incorporated.
As for some specific things, yeah – you can send over some questions tonight. Like I was a member of the Conservative Syn of Fifth Ave for two years, but left when they fired my rabbi (their fifth firing in four years, it turns out). But the current rabbi was really nuts, I think, to write a letter to the J Week calling me “disingenuous” because of some poor journalist’s chronological error. It’s precisely the mental illness pervading Judaism that I was referring to in my book. Think of it: this guy gets into the Jewish Week because he wants to make sure the world knows that I don’t go to his synagogue. And that I’m disingenuous (lying). What a waste.

Douglas -
Here are some questions:
Starting off with your recent e-mail, where you worried that our discussion at Protocols dealt too much with facts:
1) Do you not think that your book largely consists of -- and that the rest of it is largely based upon -- an argument over what is and is not fact regarding Jewish texts, beliefs and practices?Only in part. Small part. I do believe there’s a danger in taking myth literally, yes. And that this lock-step approach to Torah limits us terribly. As does the refusal to engage with the notion – the reality, if you will – that Judaism wasn’t born in a vacuum, but with the influence of many other mythical traditions.
2) Why did you write a book without footnotes?I wrote it with footnotes, but the publisher removed them. I wrote the bshem omro after that.
3) If Judaism is all about open dialogue and creating our own narratives, what privileges the narrative in your book over any other?Nothing privileges what I say except the strength of my arguments. On the other hand, you have to understand that just because we’re all entitled to share our narratives, not all narratives are equal. Hitler and Stalin had narratives, too.
4) How much kabbalah have you read other than Scholem?Only about ten books and a bit of Zohar, in translation. It was not my focus.
5) At times, you decry the oversimplification of complex ideas, and at others you uphold those who, like maimonides, presented a condensed and simplified version of the texts that preceded him. Do you see a contradiction in this? Why/why not?I go into this supposed contradiction at some length in the book, and explain that Maimonidies may have been writing at two or even three different levels. Maimonides oversimplifications were intended for victims of the Crusades. Those people weren’t allowed to study or practice, so he gave them beliefs to follow. It was considered a compromise.
Again you seem to be mining for what you feel are ‘contradictions,’ which is a very sophomoric approach to a text that aims to transcend such polarities and teach something else. If you are still caught up in the ‘is he saying our text is right or is he saying it’s wrong?’ and if you see factuality of myth as the central theme of the book, then there’s not a lot for us to talk about.
6) How did you familiarize yourself with Orthodox thought and practice, and in what way did that lead you to the descriptions in your book?I do not describe much orthodox or conservative thought and practice. I spend much more time in the book with reform practice, and explain some of the extremist haredim practice. And I discuss the reform attitude towards certain orthodox, the way reform Jews tend to defer authority to orthodox, as if the orthodox are practicing a more authentic form of Judaism. But I don’t describe orthodox practice in my book.
The BT”s and extremists I met were mostly at Aish, in Brooklyn, or in Israel.
7) Have you read Soloveitchik, Lieberman, Cassuto and others who dealt with many of the same issues you discuss and came to far different conclusions? What 20th & 21st-century Jewish thinkers are you familiar with?Is this some kind of test? How old are you guys? You’re coming off like college students. Really. I’ve only read about 40 or 50 prominent 20th century thinkers. Soloveitchik wasn’t among them.
8) What research did you do of the Talmud and rabbinic texts?Reading. Illegally, usually, by myself.
9) A lot of your ideas seem to come from Graetz, Kaplan, and Geiger -- why not mention them somewhere? In general, you do not seem to acknowledge the possibility that various of your sources might contradict each other (such as in the chronological development of the Bible) -- do you think this is a possibility?The ideas didn’t come from them. I did like Kaplan, though. I don’t understand your perspective on contradiction of sources. I try to explain something that just didn’t get through to you, and I’m sorry for that, but there’s about 10 pages attempting to explain that a multiplicity of seemingly contradictory perspectives actually yields a more dimensionalized truth. That’s the the whole point of the book.
Lots of people may actually see and experience Judaism differently. Even very important and loved rabbis and scholars have opinions which may overlap at moments, and contradict one another at moments. This isn’t a problem! It’s a good thing. It gives us the ability to engage with Judaism more intelligently. But you have to transcend the ‘is this going to be on the test’ mentality in order to engage with Judaism as an adult.
10) In your Op-Ed and elsewhere, you criticize the idea of a Judaism that is concerned with numbers -- whether they be the total quantity of Jews, the number belonging to certain sects, etc. Yet throughout your book, you use terms like "most Jews," "many Jews," or "the best Jews." Do you base these numbers on statistics? If so, how do you reconcile that with your anti-statistics stance? If not, why do you use them? What is the relevance of these numbers to your argument?I’m not taking the census, I’m just reading it.
Again, you’re sounding very young to me. Like the kids who stand up during one of my talks and say “if you’re against marketing then how come you’re selling a book?”

Reader Eli Stern gives his thoughts on this 9 Av:

Kamza Thinking on Tisha Ba'av
For my friend Steven I...
Kamza Thinking on Tish Ba'av means attemptting to give a vision for the future by trying to reconcile the conditions of our present by looking into the missteps and misdeeds of the past. Kamza is a rabbinc tale that attempts to account for the destruction of the second Temple through socio-political means. Its the story of how one man's embarrassment and gratuitous hatred created a domino effect leading to the destruction of the Second Temple.
Simply put, for the Rabbis, the Second Temple was destroyed because Jews just could not get along with each other and rabbis could not step up to the plate when their leadership was most needed. Throughout the Kamza story, the rabbis are blamed for not speaking out against the gratuitous hatred and surrounded them, employing a legal submissiveness towards communal problems.
At its core, Kamza is an indictment against the pettiness of laity and the impotency of leadership. It is ironic that Artscroll -- a Haredi organization -- has decided to put this story on the Web. Maybe they would like to send it over to their brothers in Israel, who throw rocks at the cars of non-obserevant Jews on the Sabbath. They may also want to send it over to their leadership who seem incapable of doing anything about it. A sad story repeats itself, sadly.

Yuter sends in links to two PDFs of Artscroll texts provided by...Artscroll; interesting.
First, there's this kina for those lost in the "Churban Europe" (i.e. Holocaust, but possibly more). No clue why they post that one alone.
Then there's Artscroll's translation of the Talmud's 9 Av story.
At this point, also, I'll reference Eli Stern's speech on Yom HaShoah, which described the Talmud's approach to the destruction of the Temple and the development of "Yavneh Judaism" as relevant to a critique both of the Jewish attitude prior to the Holocaust and to the modernists that came afterward. Hmm...maybe we can get some stuff from Eli for posting tonight/tomorrow.

Someone sent me an e-mail on this fast day about desserts; specifically, you're supposed to choose the dessert you'd have from a list if you had a choice, and then lists what that means. I chose...

Brownies... You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

Daniel Drezner has moved.

Elder I's final meal: frozen pierogies in homemade tomato sauce, water to wash it down.

Have a "Good" Fast. (you can apply your own metric to determine what "good" means in this context. Popular choices include "easy" or "meaningful")

We're in the top 20!
(Of hits when searching for hilton sister nude)
JAMES COMMENTS that we should be more concerned about Google hits; we're #22 there.

After last week's series of evenminded and relevant letters, I bet you were wondering if the Jewish Press Letters Section had turned some kind of corner. Well, praise God, it hasn't. This week features the return of (Dr.) Yaakov Stern, who chimes in on the "Good Shabbas" controversy, yet, in a stunning upset, fails to win the Stupid Letter Of the Week award for perhaps the first time. He was a solid runner-up, though. Rachel Weiss also has what to say about "Good Shabbas" - check out this excerpt:

Whereas I wouldn`t go so far as to categorize myself as being in a lofty state of mind, my male counterpart has often lamented the intrusion he is subjected to — especially from female origin — on his Shabbosdik spiritual “state of awe” trek home from shul.
Interestingly, not one letter thus far has addressed the halachic issue of women greeting men and vice-versa. Many are unaware that it is totally improper for a woman or man to greet a male/female stranger (or to initiate chitchat). “Ein shoalim b`shalom isha klal... afilu al yedei shliach v`afilu baala issur l`shalom lah divrei shlomim...”; “One is not to convey greeting to a woman whatsoever... even through a messenger and even through her husband it is forbidden to send words of greeting...” — Shulchan Aruch, Eben Haezer, Siman 21; Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 152; Gemara Kiddushin, Daf 70.
As for the younger and more vulnerable (single) generation, the Internet chat rooms and other inappropriate meeting places are creating enough havoc and harm in our society today. Is it necessary to additionally impart to them the message that it is ethically permissible to make overtures to strangers in the guise of being friendly?

I see plenty of people discussing problems regarding youth in the frum community. Perhaps we should consider that the problems we are facing arise largely from the fact that in the Jewish community we are marrying as late as we are. Chazal say in many places that a father who is yirat Hashem will see to marrying his daughters off at an early age. Similarly the Gemara discusses quite clearly at what age a bachur should marry. I can`t quite figure out why we have come to the place where we are now, and why no is looking at this as a very clear reason for the problems we have.

Reader Menachem sends in a link to coverage of Briney Spears' mostly-nude appearance in British Elle, noticing Spears' comment about Justin Timberlake's revelations regarding their relationship: Spears asked, "Is nothing sacred anymore?" Menachem writes "I love the consistency." And, indeed, so do I: regarding the lack of clothing Britney displays, I quote Douglas Rushkoff, "This nothing is sacred."

Somehow, I got onto the Kabbalah Center (read: Church of Jewish Scientology)'s email list, which is how the following came to be in my inbox this morning:

Used for centuries by the Kabbalists, The Red String connects us to Rachel the Matriarch, who represents the aspect of protection in the physical realm. Her greatest desire and purpose in life was to protect and defend all of her children from evil. That is why she evokes the element of protection from the universe. Each piece of Red String produced by The Kabbalah Centre is taken to Rachel's tomb in Israel, and with power of the Aleph Lamed Daled it is imbued with the essence of protection. The Red String is worn on the left wrist - the receiving side of the body and soul - sealing protective energy within while intercepting negative influences that exist.
NEW! Red String Protection Kit includes:
A CD with commentary from Kabbalah instructor Michael Moskowitz speaking about the millennium-old tradition of wearing the Red String to combat the dreaded “Evil Eye,” as well as the proper meditations used for tying it around one’s wrist.
This package provides enough string for 4-5 uses. Once the string has been tied, it can last from one month to a year, depending on how much negativity it picks up. There have been incidents where, (without being pulled or cut) the string has broken within one week!

Yahoo! News - 800K Gallons of Ky. Whiskey Burn in Fire:

"The smell of burning whiskey lingered in the air Tuesday as the remnants of a fire that destroyed a warehouse that had held 800,000 gallons of Jim Beam bourbon continued to burn. "

The News, Fair and Unbalanced

Fanatic Jews Plan Desecration Of Aqsa Mosque On Thursday

Aug 05, 2003
Occupied Jerusalem - The Zionist so-called higher court of justice has asked the Zionist police to explain reasons for turning down the request of the Jewish fanatic movement the Temple Mount Faithful to lay the foundation stone of the so-called temple in the Aqsa Mosque on Thursday.

The group led by terrorist Girshon Solmon had tabled an appeal with the court today after police turned down their request to offer their strange rituals and lay down the foundation stone of their alleged temple in the holy Aqsa Mosque.

The group of gangsters said that it intended to organize provocative marches on Thursday that would head to the Aqsa gates on the anniversary of the destruction of the alleged temple.

The group said that it would organize the marches despite police rejection, elaborating that its members would demonstrate in front of the Maghareba gate leading to the Buraq Wall.

A similar attempt by that same group back in 1990 was confronted by Muslim worshippers and the ensuing clashes led to the martyrdom of 20 Palestinians and the injury of hundreds others.

After breaking countless stories in her campaign confidential section, E.J. Kessler of the venerable Forward hits the big time when quoted by the fair and balanced FOXNews (I wonder if anyone told our pals over at FOX that historically, the Forward is a Socialist paper…). Incidentally, the story highlights the Lieberman campaign’s new Jewish oriented fundraising drive.

On the lighter side of things, Protocols fans might care to note that this is the first 24-hour period with posts by all five Protocols Elders. At this very moment, there just may be more creative and journalistic Jewish talent on this webpage than anywhere else on the Internet. Total dominance cannot be far now.

Well, that is a little embarrassing. Apparently, JTA changed their frontpage since my last post. Amusingly, the offending jews for jesus ad is now a giant head of Arik Sharon in all his glory. Somehow, it still seems to fit my post. I wonder what it will be next? This is a case of the wandering jews for jesus ad. Anyway, if you want to see the ad, click on the link. Alternately, you can check in every hour, or so, and see what the new JTA frontpage will be, and judge for yourself how perfectly it works with the text of the post. I have inaugurated a new artform....go me!

The annual stupidity:

The Temple Mount Faithful, led by Gershon Salomon, has asked the police to allow the group to hold a symbolic cornerstone-laying ceremony for the rebuilding of the Temple this Thursday, Tisha B'Av, the day of mourning for the destruction of the First and Second Temples.

Missionaries Claim Psalm 91 and Escape Death:
Not quite sure what exactly happened here, but be on the lookout. This is the sort of thing that circulates and ends up in Artscroll books in a few years...

"SHANNON WOODLAND (reporting): The man ordered Keith and Debbie into the hallway.
KEITH JAGGERS: When we stepped out of that bathroom and into that hall, we stepped into the presence of the Spirit of God.
DEBBIE JAGGERS: The power and the glory of God fell so strong that you could feel the walls rattling. I couldn’t stand up. Keith had to literally hold me up at one point. It was not from fear because fear was gone. I liked it one time when Keith said, 'It wasn’t the courage we had; it was the absence of fear.' And in the presence of God there was no fear.
SHANNON WOODLAND (reporting): The men demanded money. Keith had a one-hundred-dollar bill. He handed it over and said, 'In the name of Jesus…'
DEBBIE JAGGERS: I noticed instantly at that moment that he said 'in Jesus' name' that both their heads -- I mean it was in sync, it was simultaneous -- the power of God was so strong there that they backed up from us, and they were the ones who had guns.
SHANNON WOODLAND (reporting): The five men went into the living room as Keith and Debbie stayed in the bedroom. The Jaggers waited an hour expecting the terror to continue, but nothing happened. Keith and Debbie heard the men leave the house and drive off in their car. They never returned."

In other news:

JTA has a piece on British Jews being angry about a new Jews for Jesus ad that shows...well...um...oh just see it for yourself:




So British anti-missionary missionary Rabbi Shmuel Arkush responded to a JforJ spokesman who claimed the whole thing was in good humor by commenting: "If he considers this to be amusing," Arkush said, "then I hope he has another job."

Rabbi Arkush, talking smack.

Wow, IvyJews. We're not worthy. I wonder what we should call the newly-inaugurated sub-department of cultural artifacts that deals with metrosexual criticism. Queerish theory, perhaps?
Academic Talmud and Metrosexuals, whatta combo. The rise of the Manicurean Heresy...
In other news, the RCA is voting today on whether to allow metrosexual clergy. Maybe THAT'S why I never finished smicha...

Just received this by e-mail:

Hey,
A few friends and I just started a new blog, www.ivyjews.blogspot.com , that we thought might interest you. Weve already started posting but we're gonna pick up more with the start of the semester. the description is: "A distinctive voice on matters political, philosophical, sexual and rabbinical..." I just posted something on metrosexuality and the talmud you might be interested in, but even if youre not, we'd appreciate a shout out at some point since we presumably share a similar readership (though we stay away from yeshivish jargon and gear ourselves more towards the more mainstream ivyjew). that said, most of us have yeshiva backgrounds (and are as shtark as the next guy...well, maybe not).
Thanks,
Yedidiah

And now, from the realm of the spin doctors:
CNN reports that:

"Rejecting criticism from some of his Democratic brethren that he is too liberal to be elected president, former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean says that the real problem is that "the Republican Party and even my own party has simply moved too far to the right."

'But... but... but....isn't that the same thing,' we confusedly ask? Dr. Dean, isn't the criticism levelled against you that you are far left of the pack, and thus stand no chance to win in 2004? How, exactly, does this answer the charge?

I love sound bites; they are almost as juicy as meat, and you can eat em up during the 9 days...

Howard Kutrz in Media Notes in the WP cites a Harvard study which claims that conservative editorial pages are far more partisan when dealing with presidential administrations than liberal ones are. If the Crimson people do Television next, will O'Reilly skew the data?

Hmmm. Not that I'm a big fan of the online catfight, and I generally think that responding to responses to my posts is a little self-indulgent (also, I 'm WAY behind on the paper I'm writing), but I feel I need to clear the yeshivish air a little. Ershtens, reader James, in spite of his impassioned defense of Yeshivishism against the onslaught of Steven I (the MO Jews are coming! The MO Jews are coming!), seems to be a little behind on his Yiddishisms. Modnah is not "a corruption (or rather an evolved form) of the Yiddish 'modehrnehr,'" as far as I can tell. Usage back in my Blacker days was restricted to "strange," and not "modern." Hence, going bowling on a first date is strange. Touching on a first date is Modernish, but that's a whole other can of worms...

Reader Veruschka is correct in noting that Shmef is not really Yiddish. However, she fails to take into account the evolution of the argot of Yeshivas, where bachurim frequently "chap shmeffs" in between sedarim and while their chavrusas go to use the facilities. Once again, I refer you to my comment that if you have to ask, you probably shouldn't.

Also, reader Anonymous (Great name!!!), there was a beit midrash in the Commie office, but that was two years ago. This past year, I haven't heard the words bleib, mudnah and dingzach (I LOVE your spelling, I'm adopting it from now on, memo to self...) much around the beis, but I was in Rabbi Weiss' Yoreh Deah Shiur, and there wasn't much shtick there, so who can say what yiddish lurks in the heart of the contemporary halachic men of Yeshiva. However, Anonymous does win the sharfkeit prize, but alas, "sharf" has been adopted into the YU lingo long ago, and thus in ineligible for inclusion on the list.

Finally, none of these words are English, or even English-based. The Yeshvish "interesant" (rhymes with Kant...) is, but once again, it didn't make the list.

Cheers!

Camp aims to beat web addiction. All I can say is, they won't take me alive...

Porno Publisher Issues Call to 'Pray' for Death of Broadcaster:

"Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt has called for a 'National Prayer Day' on August 5 to 'pray for the death of [FOX News Channel host] Bill O'Reilly.'
The pornography publisher and California gubernatorial candidate's event is scheduled for 12:45 p.m. PDT in Los Angeles, and Flynt's political website offers a sample 'prayer' describing in explicit and graphic terms how O'Reilly's death might come to pass.
'Dear (God/Allah/Buddha/other entity of your choice), we ask you to afflict Bill O'Reilly with a brain aneurysm that will lead to his slow and painful death,' the 'prayer' reads."

And we're back...for a while there, it seemed like all Blogger blogs were down. Now they're up. Welcome.

Avi Weiss' latest:

2 p.m. Coalition for Jewish Concerns releases video footage showing ``desecration of Holocaust victim remains'' at the Belzeck death camp in Poland; Lincoln Square Synagogue, 200 Amsterdam Ave.

Jarvis finds some interesting stuff in Mike Tyson's bankruptcy filing, including:

And here's the gem: $86k to two Arizona doctors who, upon Googling, turn out to be the creators of something called The Fourth Domain:

This series of meditation exercises is based on the research of two leading mental health professionals who have merged the medical understanding of brain functioning during the altered states of meditation with ancient prayers of empowerment.
The first exercise is a dynamic meditation exercise, which enables you to make the spiritual space necessary to achieve Divine Awareness. On this journey, you will learn to relax the body and mind to prepare your receptivity for Divine Awareness. Drs. Barksdale and Gibson have discovered the unique spacing and timing of sounds to allow you to consistently maintain the convergence and balance of your physical, mental and spiritual domains. This balanced convergence is the 4th Domain. The ancient prayers of the Kabbalistic and Shinto Metaphysical Traditions are employed to further open you to Divine awareness.

Hooboy. Yeah, money well spent.
And for only $250, you can get a "soul potential report" to find out where your soul is when you're sleeping.

U.S. May Reduce Aid to Get Israel to Halt Barrier:

The Bush administration, looking for ways to press Israel to halt construction of a barrier separating its citizens from Palestinian areas, is considering a reduction in loan guarantees for Israel that were approved by Congress this spring, administration officials said today.

Hassidic Musician's advice for getting the right band at your event. Troubling part:

You can do well with the larger bands too, but on busy days, like Sundays in June, when they book many simultaneous affairs, the quality often drops as they spread their regular musicians across many bandstands and supplement with lots of freelancers. One way around this is to get the band to guarantee that specific musicians will be at your simcha by putting their names in the contract, but be aware that the largest band regularly agrees to such clauses despite the fact that they know those musicians will not be able to be at your affair. (Sometimes, this is because they’ve promised the same musicians to multiple clients.) After all, you won’t find out about it until your event, and at that point, there’s not much you can do about it.

Are these Palestinian protesters lighting themselves up, a la Falun Gong?

UPDATE: They've provided a better caption:

Palestinian women demonstrate behind a burning mock Israeli prison during a protest demanding the release of Palestinian prisoners in Hebron.

Jim Davila is offering himself as your academic pimp:

REMINDER TO ANYONE WHO HAS RECENTLY COMPLETED A HIGHER DEGREE IN SOMETHING TO DO WITH ANCIENT JUDAISM: I am willing to post abstracts of recently completed (fully completed, accepted, and passed, not just submitted) doctoral or master's-level dissertations. If you've finished one, please send me (by e-mail to the address above) an abstract and, if you have it, a link to any additional information on the Web. If you have ordering information (e.g., a UMI order number), give me that as well. If I think it's relevant to this blog's focus, I'll post it here. Feel free to pass this information on to anyone you know who might be interested.

The Today's Papers roundup of the Israel wall/American aid story:

The LAT fronts, the NYT (oddly) reefers, and WP (even weirder) devotes all of 133 words to news that the White House is, as the LAT puts it, "preparing to tell" the Israeli government that the U.S. "may" reduce the amount of loan guarantees to Israel to protest the security wall enclosing the West Bank. (Looks like they just told them.) Relying on a law that prohibits any aid from supporting settlements, the White House says its considering withholding aid in proportion to the cost of the area of the wall that encroaches into the West Bank, about $50 million, estimates the LAT. (That's out of $9 billion in loan guarantees.) The LAT adds deep into its piece that the U.S. might also deduct money that Israel spends on settler-exclusive roads, which would significantly increase the withholdings.
One potential reason the NYT, and especially the WP, downplayed the development: They didn't have the news for themselves: As the NYT notes, an Israeli paper, Ha'aretz, broke the story. Another potential reason: The papers are being (overly?) skeptical, not buying into what has the feel of a trial-balloon warning from the administration. No White House officials go on-the-record in any of the stories.

Reader Yuter sends in a link to Bill O'Reilly's discussion of The Passion. It's a pretty weird read. O'Reilly is responding primarily to a Sunday "Arts" column (not an Op-Ed, as O'Reilly writes) by Frank Rich. First quirky point is that Rich's second graf he mentions Gibson's appearance on O'Reilly's show, wherein the hunky one gave a pretty scary quote:

Asked by Bill O'Reilly in January if his movie might upset "any Jewish people," Mr. Gibson responded: "It may. It's not meant to. I think it's meant to just tell the truth. . . . Anybody who transgresses has to look at their own part or look at their own culpability."

Its real tinder-box effect could be abroad, where anti-Semitism has metastasized since 9/11, and where Mr. Gibson is arguably more of an icon (as his production company is named) than he is at home. He shot "The Passion" in Italy, where a recent cartoon in the newspaper La Stampa showed Israeli tanks about to roll over the baby Jesus' manger. "Do you want to kill me once more?" read the caption.

Like the membership lists of restricted country clubs that let in a minority member or two to deflect charges of discrimination, the screening guest list did include a token Jew: that renowned Talmudic scholar Matt Drudge.

When I addressed this question last week to the star's press representative, Alan Nierob, he told me that the ADL was being kept out because it had gone public with its concerns — as indeed it had, once Mr. Foxman's letter to Mr. Gibson about "The Passion" failed to net a meeting with the filmmaker or a screening three months after it had been sent.

I wonder when the first movie is made about 9/11 if The Times will condemn it because it may put some Muslims in a bad light.

I think it's meant to just tell the truth. I want to be as truthful as possible. But, when you look at the reasons behind why Christ came, why he was crucified, he died for all mankind and he suffered for all mankind, so that, really, anybody who transgresses has to look at their own part or look at their own culpability.

Interesting blog of a Jewish woman's struggles in life: Bayis Neeman.

We've got a lot to talk about regarding the gay-marriage stuff; I know we're coming to the table late on this, but we operate on Jewish time here at Protocols. Meantime, check out this post for a good summary of where the religious blogosphere has taken the discussion thus far.

When do you know Israel's doing something stupid? When a guy as pro-Israel as Jeff Jarvis calls it "indefensible."

The Orthodox Union is advertising a live webcast Tisha B'av "Experience" with Rabbi Dr. Tzvi Hersh Weinreb. That form of promoting the top dog seems rather reminiscent of the way Yeshiva University used to promote Rabbi Dr. Norman Lamm -- other than OU's use of 20th-century technology, of course. I don't recall the OU being this way in the past (before Weinreb; they did the same thing with him last year), in terms of promoting it's head honcho. Readers' thoughts?
UPDATE: The Jewish Theological Seminary's Chancellor Ismar Schorsch already has his address up, though there's no video and only a b/w picture. Does this mean that the OU really is the wave of the future (or recent past) in terms of incorporating technology into the Jewish discussion?

Reader James notes in the comments that there's a book called Frumspeak: The First Dictionary of Yeshivish

It was the effort of a certain English class in the Yeshiva of Philadelphia. It was a class project and it snowballed into a book which explains and defines the concept and the words as best as can be done.

Greetings, dear readers. Remember me? Quick thought:

I think we can finally put to rest the ridiculous notion that Kobe Bryant is as talented as Michael Jordan. Jordan was able to silence his adulteress for more than a decade; Kobe didn't last three months. Advantage, MJ.

kraut

Hasidic Rebel has a great writeup of a Rebbe's tisch. Well worth reading.

A Bostoner in my dirah wanted to add Shmef, however, this word is not shayach to any of the bochurim in our venerable moised, since no Yeshivish guys in YU shmef, chalilah. In fact, none of the Ramim shmef either, which just confirms my rebbi Rabbi Portnoy's dire warnings a few years ago about "that place" (If you have to ask what shmef means, you shouldn't bother reading this post).

Regarding Elder Steve's last post:
A few months ago, I came up with a list of true (not your garden variety 'epis'es, 'takah's and 'lemaaseh's) Yeshivish words that had not hit the YU Beit Midrash nouveau yeshivish circles yet. Some of my favorites included (with a usage example):

Chutch (rhymes with clutch) - "she's not pretty, chutch her father should hold me out in kollel for a few years..."

Bazundereh - "Sy Syms and YC are tzvei bazundereh oilomois."

Festeh - "Rabbi Simon is a festeh guy."

Gor - "Rabbi Boruch Pesach is a gor festeh guy."

Modnah - "Taking a girl bowling on a first date is a little bit modnah."

Bleib - "If you don't major in economics, you'll bleib by college for too long."

Dervile - "I'm going back to the Mir, but dervile, I'm in Rav Shechter's shiur."

Bavust - "It's bavust in the oilam that Rav Yosheh Ber didn't have any hanaah at all from YU."

Ligt - "Rebbe said you can learn in America, but you only really ligt in learning in eretz yisroel."

Ding - "Dean J dingzich on any taanah you can bring her."

There are more where that came from, I'm sure, but I'm feeling uninspired. Feel free to add to this list at will, people...
Next up: my list of English words that should be Yiddish (like "intermittent drizzle," "snorkel" and "ladle").

How about a bit of a break to discuss something truly important, like the Top 11 '80s Cartoon Villains according to UGO.com. I definitely agree that Megatron, Skeletor, Cobra Commander, and Mumm-Ra should be 1-4, and in that order, too. After that it gets a little sketchy, I mean, who's this Meltar dude, and why is he ranked above Gargamel? And why is C.L.A.W. all the way down there at #9, behind such no-names as Saw Boss? Have you ever even heard of Saw Boss? I'd have rather seen DuckTales' Glomgold, the Beagle Boys or Magica de Spell. Or, better, how about Voltron's King Zarkon, Prince Lotor and Hagar? TMNT's Shredder? I mean, come on.

On a big-names listserv someone recently sent out a request for a list of "yeshivish" terms and their definitions. In a recent post by Avraham, I noted the use of the word "admixture," which I've seen mostly in yeshivish publications. So this post is your chance to send in the terms you've never known and ask for definitions, or the terms you think everyone should know; less seriously, we'll take any English terms or Yenglish terms and compose a second list. Get to it.

Idiotarian notes the invocation of the term "terrorist" by a pro-Palestinian organization's founder in response to his not being allowed to pass through Gaza checkpoints. The story's here (via Weisburd) and the organization's plainly not representative of any larger group, but it's still interesting.

Slate's Rob Walker analyzes the BuyMusic.com ads, featuring our favorite SuperFreak. Of him, Walker has little to say:

Another Clark Kent whitey gets to sing "She's super-freaky" in the other ad, which also inexplicably includes a man who apparently is supposed to be a Hasidic Jew and who has a very bad singing voice.

One for the newly-returned Sam. Slate profile of Food Network personality Ina Garten. Really, could you come up with a more punny name for a house & home type?

Joe Lieberman is attending a fundraiser today in Dearborn, Michigan -- home to one of the largest Arab-American populations in the country; this not what you'd call his typical "home base." Thoughts?
UPDATE: I sent a letter to Patrick Belton of OxBlog, who did a lot of writing about Dearborn, for his insight on this. Here's his reply:

Dear Steve, Great work over at the Protocols! Let me see what I can find out from my friends on the ground - one guess is that he's interviewing for the endorsement of the Arab American Political Committee - it's a PAC that was started by mayoral candidate Abed Hammoud (the Wayne County assistant prosecutor who ran against incumbent mayor Michael Guido in a primary on 9/11) - they invite everyone running for an office to come and speak to their membership, and afterwards vote on who to endorse. Interesting group, and one that represents another step in the turning of the Dearborn immigrant arab community away from direct involvement in Lebanon, and toward normal US ethnic group politics. That's absolutely just an off the cuff guess, though. hope you're well, Patrick

From Prof. Davila:

THE PROCEEDINGS OF THE SECOND ENOCH SEMINAR (VENICE) WILL BE PUBLISHED UNABRIDGED ON THE WEB. This according to an e-mail from Seminar organizer Professor Gabriele Boccaccini. Excellent!

Just read through the entirety of Bill Maher's blog, and came upon this entry about Kobe Bryant that discusses sports fans' use of John 3:16:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Random Rant: the fact that the computers on 5a of the YU library don't have AIM anymore, forcing me to use AIM express, is really, really annoying.
[Very typical of the crackdown by parochial influence on sys admins to remove software that they don't think is relevant to the work that needs to be done, when actually it is a catalyst to stronger and better work. I'm logging in right now at the Village Voice, and if I weren't bringing my own laptop, I wouldn't be able to use AIM either. But because I am on AIM, I am able to complete numerous assignments more easily, more quickly, and often simultaneously, as well as be a more productive worker generally because I'm not constantly checking messages and seeking out information from other people; this way, the information comes to me. -- SIW]

For those interested in extreme-right Israeli political talk and Jewish music, the DeProgram Program, hosted by Sha'i ben-Tekoa is back on the web. There's a free webcast every week, and it costs $5 a month to hear him every weeknight. Despite being a fringe wacko racist lunatic whose show no longer appears even on Arutz Sheva (and we can only imagine why), Sha'i is still interesting to listen to, mostly for his razor-sharp wit, amazing sense of irony and sarcasm, and an overall good sense of quality talk radio. He was the only show I ever found myself wanting to listen to on Arutz Sheva back in the day. Just take whatever he says with a pillar of salt, since, after all, he is a fringe wacko racist lunatic.

It's Condy, if she wants it. No supporting sources, I know this b/c, well, you know, we elders have friends working the levers of power. Bear in mind though, that if Bush faces a substantial challenge come next year, the electoral calculus could change dramatically - anyone see him losing if he nominates the first african-american WOMAN vice president? I think not, lying to us and all.
[But he's already announced Cheney as his running-mate...and the Condi Resignation Watch seems to be picking up steam. -- SIW]

The big story in Washington today is obviously Colin Powell's impending departure. Two top names as possible replacements are Condoleezza Rice and Paul Wolfowitz. When Lieberman was nominated in '00, a lot of Jews thought it'd be a bad idea for a Jew to be president; after 9/11, a lot of Jews said it was a good thing that there was no Jew in the White House. I disagreed to both, and I think that the anti-Semitic nonsense would be even greater if Wolfowitz -- who is already unjustifiably mentioned as the main Bush administration power-broker -- is made Secretary of State. I think this only gives us more reason to support him if he is. (BTW: if you haven't already see what Al-Jazeera's DC Bureau guy said at the "Media at War" conference).

The winner of the Frumster Bachelor vote is Bachelor A, with a whopping 57.14% of the total vote -- eventually edging out even the Elders. So what should we do with our winner?

NYDN: Gay Catholics in New York said they are torn by the Vatican's stance on gay marriage.

Disdain for Bush Simmers in Democratic Strongholds: According to this NYT article, Elder Pinky hates Bush as much as Sean Hannity hates Bill Clinton. But where's the Democratic Newt?

Reader Jennye sends in a link to a really interesting LA Times article. Essentially, the setting is a modern Modern Othodox school that promotes openness, tolerance, equal debate, and all of these other good things except when it comes to certain things. To whit:

Teaching his seventh-grade English class one day, Maksik wrote on the blackboard: "Nothing human disgusts me except unkindness." He knew this quote, from Tennessee Williams' "Night of the Iguana," might cause a stir, for its implicit subject was homosexuality. No matter — he liked to push buttons. He didn't think you could say "this is right, this is wrong," and then claim you were educating kids.
A girl in class raised her hand. "I don't believe that," she said. "Gays are disgusting."
Why so? Maksik asked.
"It's in the Torah."
When they studied "To Kill a Mockingbird," all the students agreed that the treatment of the black character Tom Robinson was racist and cruel. On the spot, Maksik asked: What would they think if Tom Robinson were a Palestinian?
"I would spit on him," one boy replied.

Yes, do not adjust your screens, I have returned, on at least a temporary basis. I was away in Europe, and before that, I was just plain lazy. However, the time for laziness is done, as I get my very own cadaver in two weeks, mine to play with, dissect and mail body parts of to close friends - all in my never-ending quest for that elusive MD.

So, I'm back, but all is not well in Harediville. Is Avi Shafran really employing such lousy arguments in the pages of The Jewish Week and expecting his readers to buy them? I'm sure Rav Schach (Zatzal) is rolling in his grave in Benei Beraq at the thought of his mouthpiece employing such putrid syllogisms.

In essence, the argument goes, Yossi (lemaaseh, Elisheva has no say in the matter) is exactly like Robert Burns-loving Tim. While Shafran's command of Scottish poets is breathtaking (did he perhaps learn of Burns while doing daf yomi in Bava Kama? I doubt hafoch bah vekulah bah applies to literature, chas veshalom)), his understanding of argumentation suggests an apprenticship in the less-than-rigorously logical world of the beit midrash - how exactly are the two similar? No one ever suggested to Tim that his ONLY spiritual option lied in Lit. No one fixed the curriculum of Tim's high school so that it would only teach scottish poetry, and not science or math (chas veshalom he should become a doctor or an engineer). In fact, Tim made his own, reasoned, intelligent decision, prompted by no one's religious or moral authority. At no point was Robert Burns held up as both the only paradigm of divine truth, and as the only legitimate option of study.
Yossi (and, willy-nilly, Elisheva), in contrast, was indoctrinated by men he was not allowed to question, into thinking that his only choice in life was the study of torah. His choice of his austere lifestyle was not a reasoned adult one, but rather a forced one, shoved down his throat by both his inability to function in a western-educated world and his programmed idea that any other course his life could take would make him a failure.
Further, if Tim can't read, or doesn't know how to scan a line of poetry, no one will accept his career choice. He won't be a grad student, he'll be a neer-do-well. However, there are plenty of Yossis whose knowledge of torah and halacha are wanting, to say the least. But, of course, they remain mired in poverty, "staying in learning", b/c they have no other respectable choice left to them.

Shafran's argument will hold water when his bearded superiors begin to preach that there are other respectable and optimal options aside from living a life of torato umnato, when they accept that not everyone is fit to sit and learn for life, and that poverty is not the acme of religious values.

Sorry, I'm calm again. Talk about a powerful return engagement....

Taste in Tombstones (don't even ask, I don't know....)

NYT article describing a failed UWS aliyah attempt. I'm not really sure what the point is, though, except for the cliche about needing to go somewhere else to realize why you live somewhere in the first place.
(Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, I've decided that the first two books in Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles were much much better than the next two. Updates as I continue plodding my way through these.)