JTA Reports

Jewish Democrats want a pro-Republican Web site to apologize for posting a virulently anti-Semitic article. The article by James Hall, posted on GOPUSA.com on Nov. 17, compares George Soros, a Jewish pro-Democratic financier, to Satan, calls him a “Hungarian-born descendant of Shylock” and says former Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir Mohammed “was just stating the truth” when he said Jews rule the world...

Parsha Senryu, Parshas Chayei Sarah
Before it gets too late, here are a few I wrote on the subway here.

"The Lives of Sarah."
It's like a Doublemint ad:
There are two of them. (23:1)
(SIW)

Abraham gets jacked.
Funeral homes, even then,
Were all run by thieves. (23)
(SIW)

Despite all this,
"Abraham's blessed in all things."
He outlived his wife. (24:1)
(SIW)

Servant takes the oath,
Then wonders, "Why the thigh grab?"
"Oh, that's a bonus." (24:2-3)
(SIW)

"And if she won't come?
If she won't leave home, what then?"
"Show her the thigh thing." (24:5-6)
(SIW)

In the undying Yiddish-ification of the world, i got the word "nebby" into Gawker. Jackie Mason, eat your heart out.

This appears to be a Mormon blog, and they've already paid respect to the Elders. Though they are mistaken about our location: the Jewish conspiracy left Boston some time ago -- we plot our evil ways in New York City.

14th-Century Jewish Text Stolen by Nazis Is Returned to Vienna:

The auction catalog listed an intriguing item for sale, an extremely rare 14th-century manuscript of a central work of Jewish mysticism called the "Sepher Yetzirah," or Book of Formation. And, oh, the catalog noted, it was looted by the Nazis from Vienna's Jewish library.

Dei'ah veDibur takes on Wedding Planning:

At the wedding of her first daughter, Mrs. S. was in seventh heaven. Every other dance found her inside the kalla's circle, enjoying every minute of hers and her daughter's simcha. After the wedding, as the two sides gathered for family pictures, she exclaimed to the chosson's mother, 'Wasn't that a great chasuna? Didn't you have a wonderful time?'
The chosson's mother, who was marrying off her fourth child, stared at her new mechutenes in surprise. 'What do you mean?' she replied. 'I was in and out of the kitchen four times!'
'What were you doing in the kitchen?' Mrs. S. asked innocently.
'I had to make sure everything was running smoothly! I had to make sure they were putting out all the food we ordered, serving each course on time and saving us leftovers.'

As any follower of the unfolding Jewish Press Stupid Letter Of the Week saga is aware, so many really classic letters have been parts of really long-running debates that stretch over weeks, if not months. Who can forget Rachel Weiss and her "anti-saying-Good Shabbas" arguments? Or virtually anything even remotely attached to the name Yaakov Stern? Yet, for all the merriment we've derived from following these shouting matches (in easy to digest weekly installements), Chaim Michaelson thinks they should be put to an end. In response to his opposition to the most entertaining part of the Jewish Press, his own letter is this week's S.L.O.W.:

I think I represent several hundred, if not several thousand, readers when I respectfully request that you stop printing the back-and-forth between Dr. Stern and the host of singles and other readers who take issue with his assertions.
The exchanges in your Letters section have become impossible to follow. It`s like a tennis match, only each player hits the ball once a week. By the time the third or fourth volley is exchanged, nobody remembers the minutiae of a letter printed last month. To read a letter in which someone refers to specific passages in previous letters — which themselves were written in response to previous letters — leaves this reader (and many others, I`m sure) impatient, frustrated, and lost. I don`t have enough room on my coffee table to keep the last five issues of the paper on hand for reference.
If someone expresses an opinion in a letter to the editor, other readers have every right to respond. But the original writer need not respond to the response. Trading counter-arguments works in a debate format, not in a weekly publication.

Check out these biblical screen names, most of which are funny. These weed-smoking euphemisms aren't as funny, but I had this friend once who was an NCSY advisor and ended up overseeing a group of complete pot-heads; a few of the kids showed up completely stoned to Shabbos-morning services, telling my friend they'd had "a boker toker."

Roommate Bryan is up and posting again! Woo Hoo! Now we just have to work on Roommate David.

Reader Ephraim sends in this story on the sentencing of a triple-murderer to life in prison. The nephew to two of the victims happens to be Rabbi Yaakov Sprung, who says, "There can be no justice so long as the person who committed that is given life, which my uncle and aunt were denied."

Slate piece on why the religious right hates gay marriage. It skips over the idea that any prohibitions actually exist -- though that is reasonable in the context of Evangelical Christians, who are at least a major part of the movement leading the charge against gay marriage.
I've hopefully got an article on the topic coming out this weekend; will post when it's up.

Reb Yudel writes in to tell us that the current issue of Wired's "Jargon" column includes:

Metrodox
Adjective for young, cosmopolitan, orthodox Jews who want to balance hipness and religion - that whole mishegas.

Russian dies after winning vodka-drinking contest

A vodka-drinking competition in a southern Russian town ended in tragedy with the winner dead and several runners-up in intensive care.

"The competition lasted 30, perhaps 40 minutes and the winner downed three half-litre bottles. He was taken home by taxi but died within 20 minutes," said Roman Popov, a prosecutor pursuing the case in the town of Volgodonsk.

Reality TV Meets Mideast Diplomacy

JERUSALEM (AP)--It turns out that secret Mideast peace talks over the past two years weren't so secret after all.

In a case of reality television meeting Mideast peacemaking, the Israeli and Palestinian negotiators who hammered out the so-called Geneva Accord allowed cameras to record some of their discussions. The unofficial peace accord was unveiled last month.

France’s Chief Rabbi Cautions Jews not to Wear Yarmulkes

"…I ask young Jews to be alert, to avoid walking alone, to avoid wearing the yarmulke in the street or in the subway and consequently becoming targets for potential assailants," Sitruk told Radio J this weekend.

In another interview, Sitruk spoke more bluntly. "I ask them to replace the yarmulke with the baseball cap," he told Radio Shalom on Monday. "It hurts me" to make such a recommendation, he said. "But I say that to protect our young people."

Sitruk's office said he wanted to remind Jewish men that wearing a skullcap isn't obligatory because they can keep their heads covered, following tradition, by wearing any type of hat. In the last two years, France has suffered a wave of violence against Jewish schools, temples and cemeteries that coincided with new fighting in the Middle East. Many of the attacks have been blamed on young Muslims.

Reader Menachem sends in a great link. NYDN story on Britney Spears' album-signing has dispatches from young ladies who waited as much as 17 hours in the cold too meet the "nothing is sacred" star. One grumbling voice stands above the rest:

Alexandra Rosler of Miami, a 19-year-old who goes to Stern College for Women at Yeshiva University, said something that's really gotta hurt:

"Don't get me wrong, I love Britney, but I thought she was skinnier."

WorldNetDaily: County rejects 'God' resolution:

A board of county commissioners in Tennessee has narrowly voted to dump a proposed resolution encouraging citizens to recognize God as the foundation of American heritage and government.

The Is the Onion anti-Israel?:

After weeks of political infighting, Palestinian Prime Minister Ahmed Qureia announced the appointment of Hassan Al-Katif as the region's new Minister of Rubble and Urban Development Tuesday.
'It is a great honor for me to name a man as experienced as Mr. Al-Katif to this post,' Qureia said at a press conference held on top of a pile of rocks that was formerly a local mosque. 'Palestine is in need of a strong leader to spark growth in urban areas and manage our burgeoning rubble sector, which is the fastest growing in the world.'...
Al-Katif then took a moment to memorialize Amir Al-Lozari, the former RUD Minister. Al-Lozari was killed in what Israeli occupation forces characterized as an "accidental burst of gunfire," while surveying a new rubble development on the former site of the 1,400-year-old Abu Al-Sharim library.

Chakira runs into Torah.org's fun with advertisering. I got the originial email, but I don't recall the retraction. Either way, the CD set in question looks like a great thing to own. I may even end up with one, assuming I can scrape together the $$$.

I had lunch yesterday with a prominent Israeli columnist. Here is a portion of the conversation as verbatim as I can recall:

PS: What do you see as the current government’s endgame regarding the Palestinians?

IJ: I am not sure if there is one. I think Sharon is just hoping that one day Arafat will wake up, grasp his chest and fall to the floor. I don’t think he has or has ever dreamed of a long-range solution.

PS: Well, what do you see as the eventual endgame, do you still believe in “greater Israel?”

IJ: I do. Look. In the first year of the so-called Intifadah I, 45 Jews died. In the last three years nearly 900 have died.

PS: Does that not tell you that there is something awry in the current policy?

IJ: It tells me that there was something wrong in the past policies. In the ‘80s we had a military infrastructure in the territories that prevented the kind of violence that we have now. We now have to rebuild that military infrastructure in order to prevent violence.

PS: Well why not simply unilaterally separate and guard the wall? Insurgents?

IJ: Exactly. It won’t work. They will get through. We have to put the military back into the areas and have them root out and guard against the terror.

PS: What are we then going to do with the 3.5 million Palestinians, make them citizens?

IJ: No.

PS: The world won’t allow that you know.

IJ: We will do what we have to do. It will not be good for Israel. Israel will have to pay a heavy price politically, economically, socially.

PS: It won’t survive.

IJ: It will survive, it has to survive.

PS: South Africa did not survive that way – not to compare the two.

IJ: It will be hard. Israel will have to pay, but it will survive.

PS: Interesting.

In case you were wondering:

U2's bittersweet meditation on love, One, has been named the greatest song ever recorded...
It topped the list in a special edition of respected music magazine Q honouring the 1001 Best Songs Ever.

Granted, it took me a week to get to this Blueprint article on NCYI's convention on the "shiddukh crisis," but I've had good excuses, really. Anyway, thanks to EphShap for pointing out that the article was online in the first place and to Dani for overanalyzing it with me -- this is a truly classic piece. Check this out for starters:

Some of the workshops available for participants include “Bridging the Gap: Developing mutual empathy between singles and marrieds,” given by Rabbi Avraham Steinberg of OZ; “Recognizing the Red Flags: Knowing when a shidduch is right or if it spells disaster;” “Playing by the Rules: Following proper etiquette during the dating process;” and “Headhunting in the Marriage Market: A systematic and efficient method to package yourself, find, and evaluate a potential spouse.” There will also be an opportunity for people to network with other matchmakers, and a singles resource guide will be distributed to all participants.

When running the events, OZ staff is available to make introductions or create just the right moment for introductions, but many times, [Rabbi] Schwartz says, the desire is not there. “Let us help you,” he said during a phone interview, when asked for possible solutions to fruitless event hopping.

Really cool conference in Jerusalem on Rabbinic Polemics. I so want to see the papers when its all done.

Thanks to Reader Yoni for pointing this out, but Yoshev Al HaGeder seems to be permanently closed. Shame too, I really liked the guy, even if he tended to be a bit bitter, although understandably so. I just hope no one there in Chareidi Land figured out who he really is/was. That wouldn't have been pleasant.

Hmmm.

While I'm inclined to say that this idea sounds eerily familiar, the pentagon assures us that "the U.S. actions are not aimed at punishing sympathizers, but rather are aimed at eliminating legitimate military targets. "

What's amusing is that the Americans are adopting the same flawed tactics (before I get flamed, let me point out that I'm critical of these actions b/c they don't work, and not, god forbid, on some humanitarian grounds) as the Israelis, just years later.

What's even more amusing is the feeble attempt at doublespeak and rationalization being spouted by our top brass. Admit it, Rummy, you feel insecure that Israelis have more chest hair than you do.

Someone once put a link in the comments to an online bibliography of Jewish pronouncements on homosexuality and/or gay marriage. If anyone has that link, please file it below.
Thanks!

Gawker quotes an interview of a guy returning to Friendster:

"Q. Why did you come back? Was it the testimonials? The hot 23-year-olds? What?

A. Life-devaluing depression. I have absolutely nothing to do at work and the shitstorm of my routine existence was proving too much to cope with rationally. I was naming daily suicidal urges like hurricanes. So I started seeing a therapist, she put me on Zoloft, and then made me try online dating again. It was either Friendster or JDate. Have you seen those Jew girls trolling the personals? Pretty fuckin' beat."

While we're bashing Deah V'Dibbur, this is downright irresponsible.

My favorite line, culled from the words of experts at an (unidentified) weight loss institute in Germany:

"According to the revolutionary studyš the only thing needed to begin the weight-loss process is to eat chili peppers before every second helping and to let them do the job."

Sounds pretty sketchy to me....

The Kicker chastises Lloyd Grove for writing about PETA, and, thusly, "Giving Notorious Publicity Whores Even More Publicity," but my question is how come Clay Aiken fans can get an ad stopped, but we can't get PETA to stop using the Holocaust to illustrate the plight of animals?
Think about it: the memory of six million Jews is not quite as sacred as Clay Aiken.
Wow.

I should really be doing Serious Work now, but you all really have to check out the latest entry on Baraita. Let it just be said that even within Orthodoxy its really easy to sort of fall between the warring factions. Hopefully when the Serious Work is over I'll have a chance to write about some of the other points Naomi raised.

For those avid readers of the Jerusalem Post:

Conrad Black, the CEO of Hollinger, the Jerusalem Post’s parent company, and his top deputies are resigning amid revelations that he and associates improperly collected millions of dollars in fees.

FT

BBC

JPost

Remember, someone actually funded this research:

Researchers once thought that a prolonged lack of sleep produced mental illness. They now know that this is not the case, though waking subjects up every few minutes, early studies showed, made them cranky.

Once again Protocols trumps its counterparts in the "mainstream Jewish media."

Check out the JTA's piece on Jewish organizations and Sen. Rick Santorum.

For fear of being burned in blogosphere effigy again, I will keep my thoughts on the subject to myself and encourage readers to weigh in on Berger’s article. Enjoy!

TIME.com: The First Vintage -- Nov. 24, 2003:

Long before grapes grew on Trellises in Napa and Sonoma, long before vineyards flourished in Bordeaux and Bourgogne, a sophisticated wine industry arose along the banks of the Nile. From tombs, temples and palaces that date as far back as 5,000 years ago, archaeologists have uncovered clay amphorae stamped with seals that name not only the contents (irp, or wine) but also the region in which the grapes were grown, the year in which the wine was produced, the owner of the estate and often some indication of quality, such as 'good' and 'very, very good.' And who is to say that wines like these cannot be made again someday, asks Patrick McGovern, a molecular archaeologist at the University of Pennsylvania Museum, including perhaps the mysterious elixir that supposedly drove Cleopatra mad.

For those who like great stories from political insiders, the first two listed here are simply priceless.

A reader writes in response to Dei'ah ve-Dibbur's article last week on rock music:

A quote (spurious?) from The Closing of the American Mind is offered by way of another book that rock is "no less than the savage and primitive rhythm of darkest Africa."....The essential issues here are unrelated to race. The author, clearly reaching for a red herring (which, unfortunately, he found) sought to interject race and racist ideas into his argument. These ideas are un-Jewish in their provenance and have no place in your publication. The author's approach in this respect should be repudiated.

Thank you for your thoughtful comments. Racism is certainly not Jewish. For example, anyone can become a Jew regardless of race, as long as he or she meets the requirements.
Africa was chosen and referred to as it was not because its residents are unequivocally black -- which of course they are -- but because they are unequivocally primitive. Africa and the savages who live there were chosen as symbols of primitivism not as symbols of a race. Thus, I do not think that the comments are racist.

The Charedim really love the niggers...er, African Americans

Assorted stuff -- I didn't get around to posting all weekend, but, trust me, it was worth it.
First, Jewsweek ran my article on Dr. Brill and Kavvanah. Kavvanah is one of the really cool things that I do nowadays, and I was really glad for the chance to sort of spread the gospel.
Fittingly, I spent Shabbas with the Extended Chevra in UPenn, where Dr. Brill was a scholar in residence. Friday night was meditation, where we bound ourselves to the golden white light. Shabbas day was jewish theology of interfaith. Really cool stuff, and I'll have more to say about the latter once Brill publishes the article he was presenting. Essentially, he presented three models: exclusive (all other religions are "false" - R. ZY Kook), pluralistic (all religions have Divine elements - R. AY Kook), and inclusive (all religions have Divine elements, but only through Judaism (Maimonides, Kuzari). I was wondering if we could apply the same elements to interdenominational dialogue. One of the interesting things about Lishmah was that they tilted their speakers more towards educators and academics and away from pulpit rabbis in an effort to make the event nondenominational -- no denominations, no agendas, just a neutral space for teachers, students, and texts. What that does, though, is create a situation where I, as an Orthodox Jew, have to check my Orthodoxy at the door in order to meet my neighbor the Reform Jew in this neutral space, who has to similarly leave his Reformness behind to meet me. On the other hand, Brill's models allow for a situation where a Jew can meet a Christian as Jew and Christian. Obviously there's a lot more work to be done here, but thats just an opening thought.
I really don't have the time or effort or motivation to follow through on a Hertz Chumash for the 21st century post right now. Sorry, really. On the other hand, the discussion in the comments there was really really good. In a quick sentence, I'd have to agree with Ari which is why I think that the concept wouldn't fly today -- no target audience.
Irony of the weekend. Just one day after the Jewish Press published a letter signed by someone with the same name as me that decried interdenominationalism, I had lunch with David Ellenson, the President of HUC.
Finally, Dani pointed out that I haven't linked to her blog for some time now. Hopefully, this should buy me some time...
I think thats about everything that I desperately needed to get off my chest. We now return you to your normal, everyday blogging.

This isn't an exact science, but it appears that our 100,000th Bravenet hit came at 9:42:38 AM, from an AOL user on Internet Explorer 6.0, within the Eastern Standard Time Zone, from the IP 205.188.208, arriving here from Joe Schick's blog.
If you can step forward and identify yourself, you can claim your prize of a copy of Doug Rushkoff's Exit Strategy autographed by at least some of the Elders.